Heart Over Mind
by PyroQueenOfFire
Summary: Topher Brink has lost so much more than he will ever admit, and Ashlyn Groves or Summer as she is called in the Dollhouse, is a doll far different than Alpha or Echo; Topher/OC
1. Topher and Ashlyn

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**So I've always loved Dollhouse, but I only recently watched it all the way through, haha. Then I was rewatching it with my sister and man…do I love Topher Brink and how can you not, right? Anyway, on top of that I've been studying the human brain a lot more again (I'm studying to be a nurse and my Biology class right now is better than my last one) and I really wanted to do this. Ashlyn and Summer are the same person, just by the by. I doubt any of you will read it, but here goes anyway.**

**WARNINGS: Language, Dark Themes, Sex, Violence**

**ENJOY!**

xxxx

"Did I fall asleep?" Summer asked, looking at Topher.

The young man looked defeated, but he forced a smile and nodded. "For a little while…"

"Shall I go now?" Summer asked him gently, feeling a strong connection with him.

"If you like," Topher managed to get out.

The Dollhouse was supposed to be a secret, more or less. Of course there were clients who would come with huge sums of money and pay for Actives to play with for a day or a weekend, but Ashlyn Groves was different. She heard about the Dollhouse by word of mouth because her best friend used it every once in awhile when she was in her slump of feeling tired of being single—she used it as a pick-me-up. Ashlyn Groves and Remy Ferris couldn't keep secrets from each other and while Remy wasn't supposed to tell…she did.

Both young women had a strong bond that no one could break.

Still, Ashlyn was a mother bear at heart and when she felt like her friends and family were being threatened, she got aggressive and so she researched the Rossum Corporation. She wanted nothing more than to understand what it was that Remy had gotten herself into and amongst her research she found the name that changed everything for her: Topher Brink. He was a top scientist, young, and she was more than a little curious about him…so she used her connections to get into the Dollhouse.

It looked like a nice enough place and the Actives walking around were friendly, Ashlyn recognizing one of them but they didn't recognize her. She didn't talk to him because then Remy's cover might be blown, if it wasn't already—she was sure that Rossum had already figured out everything there was to figure out about her. Still, Ashlyn met with Adelle DeWitt and she smiled politely, smoothing down her skirt as she sat and just nodded when Adelle offered her tea.

"Everyone seems very peaceful," Ashlyn offered with a smile as she ran her fingers through her dark curls nervously. "It's hard to think that any of them could do anything, good or bad. They're so…innocent and pure."

Adelle smiled at her. "That's the whole idea."

"I should be up front with you about why I'm here," Ashlyn told her.

"By all means," Adelle said as she sipped her tea. "I want you to be honest and open."

Ashlyn nodded gently. "I'm not here to hire an Active for a day…I'm here to see how much it would cost me to get Topher for a day. He has an assistant, doesn't he? Someone that could do his job for him? Perhaps I could just have him for the night? Not in a romance scenario but just…I'm fascinated by him."

Adelle was caught off guard by Ashlyn's request, but in granting it even without talking to Topher about it first, that was really where the whole story began, and yet…there was so much more to it. Every memory that Ashlyn had with Topher was important to her and vice versa, but because of a sincerely traumatic experience, Ashlyn wanted to be wiped—she _wanted_ to be an active. Topher was firmly against it because she was his and they had something special, but it wasn't his choice…not when she signed a contract to give the Los Angeles Dollhouse 5 years of her life.

It was then, that Ashlyn Groves became Summer the Active, and Topher Brink lost everything.

**Note: I just wanted to do an intro to set it up, so those of you reading, I promise that everything will be explained and I will focus on their past and their present equally. They are a really beautiful couple the way it's set up in my head. Feedback is always appreciated!**


	2. Summer and Ashlyn

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Alright, so this goes back and forth between Ashlyn's past with Topher and Topher loving/hating her as Summer. I really love this idea, I just have to get farther in it for you guys to potentially like it too.**

**WARNINGS: Language, Dark Themes, Sex, Violence, Blood**

**ENJOY!**

xxxx

**Ashlyn and Topher – 2006**

Topher was more than a little intrigued by getting called out by name to spend the day with some client that was probably twice his age and only interested in one thing. He was mad enough at Adelle right now, being told that he was to go because of her familiar connections but he wasn't afraid of her, he wasn't. She was probably just some stubborn, spoiled rich girl that thought that she could get away with anything that she wanted to get away with and Topher wasn't about to be some toy for her.

Not at all.

Still, his job was on the line so he was doing as he was told, going to the café that he was supposed to meet this Ashlyn Groves at and sat down. He was mumbling to himself about one thing or another when Ashlyn came in, clad in sandals, jeans and a rather geeky t-shirt for just some random spoiled rich girl. She smiled a bit at how cute he was just talking to himself as the waitresses looked on with looks on their faces, one of them smiling brightly at her—Jenna Groves, Ashlyn's little sister, younger only by two years.

"Ashlyn!" Jenna called out.

Ashlyn smiled and adjusted her earrings and her necklace as Topher froze in place and stopped mumbling to himself. He was tense and it made Ashlyn giggle a little and she sat down right next to him, which made him tense up even more if that was even possible. When he turned to look at her though, he found himself tongue-tied because she was not at all what he had expected her to be—not by a long shot. For one, she was about his age he gauged and she was wearing a Star Trek t-shirt.

Another thing about Ashlyn, was that she was beautiful—perhaps not to everyone that came in contact with her, but to Topher she was. She had dark curls in her shoulder blade length hair, a dazzling smile and her nose was just…adorable. Ashlyn wasn't perfectly fit, but she wasn't over weight either—she was tall and slender and she was blushing because he was just staring at her. This made Jenna laugh as she brought over the coffee pot and set it in front of her older sister, knowing that it was her usual drink of choice in this place.

"Staring is impolite," Jenna whispered to Topher.

All Jenna knew was that Ashlyn was on a blind date of a sorts—meeting an online suitor. Ashlyn didn't want Jenna to know anything about the Dollhouse and Topher seemed like the nerdy sort to be a dating website even though Jenna never would have thought that that was Ashlyn's thing. Still, she had been told that Ashlyn liked him and that was enough for her. It didn't matter to her as long as Ashlyn was happy because after taking care of everyone else, it was important that she take care of herself.

"TOS," Topher said, meeting Ashlyn's eyes and smiling a bit, a wide grin that Ashlyn would soon find herself fond of.

Ashlyn nodded and didn't take away the eye contact. "It is the original, therefore it is the best."

"I don't know," Topher said testing her, "I mean TNG…"

"TOS…"

"Yeah, TOS,"

"Your eyes are perfectly brown," Topher found himself saying and then he chuckled awkwardly. "I am staring and I can't stop."

"Do I have something in my teeth? I had an orange before I got here," Ashlyn admitting, blushing even redder as her hand flew up to her mouth.

Topher started shaking his head. "No, no, I—no, you're perfect. I…food. We should get some food."

"I agree," Ashlyn said beaming. "Do you like pancakes? Good…Jenna? Topher and I will have my usual."

xx

**Summer – 2009**

Summer always found herself feeling a bit dazed after a memory wipe and even then it never took away her feelings for Topher—not once. While she certainly couldn't remember any specifics, she knew that there was something there and she tried to be close to him as much as possible even when she knew he didn't want her near. Topher was just the programmer and as far as everyone else knew, he didn't care what happened to the Actives as long as they took to his memory implantations.

This wasn't true.

On a level, Topher had always cared, he was just so proud of his technical prowess in this department that he seemed amoral. He did as he was told and he was proud, yes, but he didn't want anything bad to happen to the Actives and he certainly hadn't wanted Ashlyn to become one. Every time Summer came around him he was torn and even though he did use her to her utmost potential when he was ordered, he had always wondered about her contract: she was never involved in a romance engagement.

Almost all of the other Actives had been part of a romantic engagement, but not Summer, not once and Topher didn't understand it. Summer was beautiful and brilliant and no…no, that was Ashlyn. Ashlyn was the perfect woman and in a moment of weakness she had run to Adelle DeWitt and gotten herself imprinted on a wedge and that was all that Ashlyn was anymore, a wedge and Topher had done that to her. He would never forgive himself for it and was actually glad that he had never had to send Summer off to be used for sex by some wealthy bureaucrat…but he wondered why that was. He would have picked her—well, he would have picked Ashlyn.

"She's back," Ivy said with a gentle shake of her head.

Ivy was Topher's assistant in the Dollhouse and while she didn't know the entire history behind Ashlyn and Topher, she knew that Topher didn't like Summer. She didn't even know what Summer's real name had been, all she knew was that for some reason Topher tensed up around her and she never asked—Topher didn't like to share intimate details of his life with anyone, so he certainly wasn't going to share any with Ivy. Sometimes Ivy thought that something was wrong with Summer, but Summer never gave anyone any reason to send her to the Attic…the broken doll graveyard.

"Summer…" Topher said, having by now gotten over his initial want to call her 'Ashlyn'—she wasn't Ashlyn anymore.

Summer looked at him warmly, Ivy having just left the room. "I wish to help if I can."

"There's nothing for you to do, I have an assistant," Topher reminded her, motioning towards where Ivy had just been. "Why don't you go for a swim?"

"I do enjoy swimming...but…" she said gently. "I am drawn here every day. Is that not right?"

Topher looked at her in the yoga pants and tank top and shook his head. "No, it's not right. I don't need your help and I don't want it."

"I just want you to be happy and safe…I don't know why," Summer responded with a nod. "I will swim now if that is what you want."

"That's what I want!" Topher exclaimed and hung his head.

Summer hadn't even flinched at his raised voice, just noted that he was upset and nodded and left, going to get a swimsuit on and swim. She was almost like every other active, but Topher had noticed from the start that she had been drawn to him and he had a theory about that that just made it all that much worse. There was this thing called 'grouping', where Actives would be drawn to each other even in the childlike 'doll' state and because of her feelings for Topher, she was grouping toward him. Didn't that mean that Ashlyn's love for him was still there?

Shaking the thoughts away, Topher went back to what he was doing, but he couldn't help but look at the surveillance cameras and watch as Summer dove into the pool like that. He could remember every moment that the two had spent together, but she had begged him to erase all of it and he couldn't talk her out of it. Then she went to Adelle behind his back and since Adelle was his boss and Ashlyn had signed that contract…now she was a doll—she was Summer. She wasn't in a normal rotation and seeing her everyday just reminded Topher of just how much he had lost.

"I just wish I could hate her," he admitted slowly out loud.

xx

**Ashlyn and Remy - 2007**

"REMY!" Ashlyn cried out.

There were tears streaming down her face, blurring her vision, but despite the man with the gun, she was going over to Remy's body. The gunshot to her abdomen had to be looked at and Ashlyn was a nurse, she could do this…right? As Remy had gone down though, her head had hit the corner of the convenience store counter and she was bleeding out right there on the floor. Ashlyn was choking back sobs as she started tending to her wounded friend, not even caring if she was going to get shot or not.

"Remy, baby bear, can you hear me?" Ashlyn asked as the shooter fled.

Remy tried to talk but there was blood in her mouth and Ashlyn started screaming at the store clerk to call 911. She had seen the shooter and she could easily identify him, but right now all that mattered was saving Remy's life and Ashlyn had to do that…she just had to. So, she got a razorblade out of her purse and a straw from down the aisle as another costumer handed her what she needed, slicing into Remy's neck and getting the cut straw in there to alleviate the pressure until the ambulance arrived and they could do a better job.

When it got there, Remy was on the verge of passing out, already in shock of the accident and Ashlyn rode the whole way with her, having called Topher in hysterical tears. Topher had been granted the leave because Adelle put her clients first and she thought of Ashlyn as a client—she had no idea that there was a chance that Ashlyn would become one of her dolls in her Dollhouse. She and Topher had a bond that no one understood and Adelle wanted him to be there for the woman that he loved not just because she was a 'client', but because it would help Topher to stay focused on his work.

"Baby," Topher said affectionately as he got to the hospital.

Ashlyn was outside of Remy's room because she wasn't immediate family and she also wasn't able to be her nurse. She had dried blood on her hands and she was still crying, smiling a little though when she saw Topher hurrying over to her. He wrapped her up in his arms and kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back and not even caring if she got blood on him. This was traumatic for her and he was here as her boyfriend and the man that loved her, and all that mattered was calming her down.

"They won't let me help her," Ashlyn sobbed into his chest, fisting his shirt in her frustration. "They're just making me wait out here."

Topher nodded and pulled back a little, cupping her face and making her look up at him. "Once they've done the initial part, you can help her—I will help you to help her. I promise you that."

xx

**Summer – 2009**

Summer's primary engagements were reading to children, giving speeches and doing what she did best: nursing. She was imprinted with some of the most extensive knowledge of other renowned surgeons and doctors and that was the only time that Topher enjoyed his job. Being a nurse was the one thing that Ashlyn had loved the most in her life besides Topher and when Topher got to give her that knowledge it was both a beautiful and tragic moment for him. He got to see a glimpse of Ashlyn for a moment even though that wasn't her name at the time and then he had to remember that she was gone…just the wedge he kept in his room in the Dollhouse so that no one else could touch her.

"If I hadn't been there, that boy would still have a Barbie leg up his nose," Summer was explaining to him as she sat in the chair. "After my treatment, I intend to go back and sit with him a little bit as he recovers. I assure you, he will never do that again."

This was no ordinary chair, though—this was where Topher did the memory wipes and gave each Active their new imprints. It was also the chair that they had all once been real people and had come in to have the Active wiring put inside their brains that made this whole process even possible. Each time Summer came in she just trusted Topher to do what he was supposed to do…she trusted him more than her Handler and that was saying something. Her Handler never said anything about it because she knew the story behind Summer's existence enough to know that at least this need to be close to Topher was because her real counterpart had been in love with him.

It reminded them all that the Actives were real people and that was what got some sent to the Attic.

So, instead of telling anyone, Clara Aegis and Topher Brink kept it to themselves. He may have hated Ashlyn's choice and he may hate to be reminded of her constantly, but he didn't want her to end up in the Attic and neither did her Handler. She wasn't another Alpha and Topher wasn't about to insinuate that she was, she was just grouping and she was bonded to him and something that she had said as Ashlyn had stuck to him about brains…and about how not every individual one is the same. Perhaps part of Ashlyn was just always there regardless of the memory wipes and the only way she held on was through Topher.

"Did I fall asleep?" Summer asked as the chair tilted her up into a sitting position.

Topher nodded and smiled sadly. "For a little while…"

"May I stay a little while?" Summer asked Topher as she looked at him.

"What?" Topher asked, caught off guard.

Summer got out of the chair and stepped up close to Topher, looking down and gently taking his hand in hers. Topher's heart started to beat fast in his chest as she did that and he found himself holding her hand back even though this was destroying him. She wasn't the woman that he loved and yet that love she had for him was still there and it was making him even more upset than it was making him happy in that solitary moment. So he nodded and then let her hand go and fled the room.

"Topher, this is not a good time," Adelle told him in her British accent as she spoke with Boyd, Echo's Handler.

Topher spoke anyway. "The day I turned Summer into a doll you told me that I was allowed to review her file and I was too upset to do it, but I want it. I want to look at it."

xx

**Ashlyn and Topher – 2006**

"Why did you pick me?" Topher asked her suddenly.

He and Ashlyn had been having a really good day and the two kept laughing and blushing and talking about all sorts of high tech and nerdy things, and yet…he couldn't let his guard down completely. Sure, her looks, charms and knowledge of nuclear physics had disarmed him, but she had _paid to date_ him today. Ashlyn had gone into the Dollhouse and asked for him by name and bought him like he was just another Active and he was a _person_.

"You mean why did I go in there and come out with you instead of someone I could program?" Ashlyn asked him as they both balanced on a sidewalk edge. "Because I wanted something real and I wanted you. Why else would I do it?"

Topher shrugged a little bit. "To get me to divulge company secrets maybe?"

"Please, I am not a good enough person to want you to shut down your operation," she told him as she balanced gracefully and walked up to him, up close. "I saw your picture in my research of the Rossum database and I thought you were the exact kind of sexy nerd I'd been looking for. So…I wanted you instead of some Active I could program to be like what I thought you were like."

She smiled when he swallowed a little bit and decided that her forward moment was enough for now and took a step back, but Topher took a step forward. Ashlyn had smelled of cherry blossoms and olive oil and he wondered if she cooked and wanted to know what brand of shampoo she used. There was also a slight hint of tangerine in there so she had to frequent one of the local Bath and Body Works, he guessed. Still, he had liked having her up close to him, especially when she had told him that it was because he was smart and what? She found him _attractive_? Did she say…_sexy_?!

"Topher…"

"Ashlyn…"

Before she even knew what was happening, Topher had cupped her face and brought her in for a kiss, making her lose her balance. He caught her though as they both stumbled and she grabbed a hold of his jacket as he started apologizing profusely, leading him over to the grass and pressing her lips to his again to silence his babbling. It was cute and she found him all the more attractive when he did it, but right then, all that mattered was their lips crushing together. She hadn't actually expected a real date out of this, but Topher was attracted to her and she was attracted to him and she giggled a little when he pulled back, placing one more quick kiss to his mouth that he was too blissfully stunned to return.

"I still have you for eight more hours…" Ashlyn whispered, kissing his nose affectionately and then slipping her hand into his, their fingers interlacing.

Topher smiled and nodded. "I wish we had more time…"

**Note: Okay, so there is obviously more to the story, but there is that. I just love Topher and I wanted to give him something even if this is bittersweet too. Feedback is always appreciated!**


	3. The Hidden Clause

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Dedicated to princessjames21 because I adore her and she already loves this story.**

**This chapter is more back and forth and a lead in into the main-ish story line going on here with the brain and how Ashlyn's works. It also delves into her contract with the Dollhouse and shows a lot more of her bond with Topher as both Ashlyn and Summer.**

**WARNINGS: Language, Dark Themes, Sex, Violence, Blood**

**ENJOY!**

xxxx

**Dollhouse – 2009**

After letting Boyd take his leave of them, Adelle brought up Ashlyn's file for Topher because he seemed to just desperately need it. She hadn't seen that hurt in his eyes for a very long time and as she looked over toward his office, she saw Summer walking around it and she knew what was going on here. Even as a doll, Ashlyn's feelings for Topher were something that he couldn't just memory wipe and having her close to him and not herself was driving him crazy.

"She's grouping…" Adelle said out loud.

Topher just nodded and scrolled through the information, looking through her contract even though he knew that wasn't what Adelle had brought up for him entirely. Still, it made him raise his eyebrows when he looked it over because it was far more extensive than any of the other contracts that the other Actives had. She had very set engagement types and it suddenly made sense to him why she was never sent out on romantic assignments: her contract said she wasn't to be used for them.

Rossum was a corporation that wanted to make a lot of money and while Topher didn't understand right away how she could have made such a deal with them, they had a lot of Actives. Echo was currently the most popular and Sierra was popular herself, not to mention that the Dollhouse could send them out on the romantic engagements instead of Summer…they could let Summer do as she was. Reading to children, helping children, standing up for Rossum at summits and the like—still, it was strange to him.

"This is an extensive contract," Topher told Adelle, looking at her. "No romantic engagements."

Adelle nodded at that. "She is a very special case. Ashlyn came to us asking to be an Active and we already had enough, but she wanted it, you know that, she was hysterical."

"She had every right to be hysterical," Topher said firmly, Adelle nodding at that. "You said that they were all volunteers."

"They are, but she begged us to do it and because she was willing to just give herself over, we made her an offer that no one would refuse—she set the terms of her contract with us." Adelle explained, bringing up a page that he hadn't noticed at first. "It's not that she can't be sent out on romantic engagements, Topher…it's that you're the only person allowed to request her for them."

Topher felt his mouth go dry as he read the words as Adelle said them, knowing now as his chest twisted about in pain that Ashlyn had been thinking about him just as much as thinking about running from her life. Of course she had made this hard on him, but he couldn't understand what it was that she went through to the full extent of it. He had lost a friend as well, one he could bring back in doll form every birthday, but Ashlyn had had Remy's blood on her hands literally and that day that Ashlyn had come to the Dollhouse…Topher would never forget it.

"We have more than enough Actives to satisfy our client's primal urges," Adelle told Topher slowly as his eyes got a bit misty. "She signed herself over with every intention of helping us to help children and Rossum Corporation itself, but only you are allowed to touch her, so to speak. You didn't want to know, and we didn't want you to be distracted, so we never told you. You could have hacked in and seen for yourself and yet you came to me…why?"

Topher looked at Adelle and took a couple of steps back. "Because you're the only one that understands the Hell I go through every time I put her in that chair and yet I do my job. I am the best that there is and I will remain to be the best regardless of this. Summer is not Ashlyn, she is just another doll in this Dollhouse, I just wanted to know why."

"Did it help you?"

"Not at all…why? Why would she do all of this?"

Adelle took a deep breath. "The only person that can actually answer that is Ashlyn…"

xx

**Dollhouse - 2007**

Adelle hadn't alerted Topher when Ashlyn had gotten there that day because Ashlyn has asked her not to and so Adelle had respected her choice. She had seen a lot of Ashlyn, including a night or two in the Dollhouse when Ashlyn shouldn't have been there, but Topher had snuck her in. No one—not even Dominic—was worried that Ashlyn was going to tell anyone about them because sometimes she actually helped Topher with his tech. They both took a lot of pride in the knowledge in their brains and on more than one occasion, Adelle wanted to recruit Ashlyn as the other Dollhouse doctor, but they already had Claire Saunders.

"I want to be a doll," Ashlyn said and then she shook her head and corrected herself, "an Active—I want to be an Active. How do I do that?"

Ashlyn looked as if she hadn't slept in days and while her hair was brushed and she smelled like she'd bathed, she looked a mess. Remy had been in a coma for the last three months and her family had announced that they were going to take her off of life support and Ashlyn had come straight here to see Topher but she had other reasons: she wanted to forget. She was tired of feeling bad and she didn't want to deal with this, any of this, and she knew that only Adelle would hear her out because Topher would be livid.

"I assume that you've thought this through," Adelle told her gently. "It's not an easy process."

Ashlyn nodded slowly. "I know, but I just…I can't anymore. Here I am, ready to be an Active and all I want you to do is say 'yes' and tell me which dotted line to sign and initial. I've been thinking about it the last three nights and I have had it. I want a break—I want to forget. I am more than willing to help you to further Rossum, I just…I mean I guess I have ground rules."

Smiling a little bit, Adelle nodded at that and listened to what it was that Ashlyn was asking for, saying that she would talk to her employers as long as Ashlyn talked to Topher about it. After all, if Ashlyn was going to be a doll in this Dollhouse, Topher was going to be the one wiping her mind clean and also filling it up when she was called upon to be used. He wasn't going to be happy about the idea and Ashlyn knew that, but she hadn't expected him to be _this_ upset.

"NO!" Topher yelled at her.

Ashlyn took a deep breath and then opened up her eyes. "Topher—"

"—if you think that I'm just going to throw you down in this chair and turn you into an Active, you have ANOTHER THING COMING!" Topher practically thundered.

"THIS ISN'T YOUR CHOICE!" Ashlyn yelled back, tears in her eyes.

Topher paused, pain etched into every feature. "So this is it? You just suddenly decided that we're not in this together, anymore? We no longer make decisions anymore? I lost a friend too, Ashlyn—a friend that I can never get back and I can help you through this…"

"I don't want to remember this!" Ashlyn shot at him. "I am not as strong as you are Topher, and I know that I would have you and Jenna and my mother by my side but I don't want this. I don't want to remember holding her in my arms before the ambulance got to the drugstore. I don't want to remember her strangled breaths or how helpless I felt in that hospital…I don't."

"If you do this, then you won't remember me," Topher reminded her.

Those words made them both stop and she nodded gently, going up to him to take his hands in hers and while he let her initially, he pulled away as tears came to his eyes. He didn't want this and he didn't want her to do this to him, to herself—he knew what went on in this Dollhouse and to think of her as an Active where people took advantage of her made him honestly start to think about what it was that he was doing. They were volunteers and she knew what she was getting into but these people…were there other people like him out there that missed the people that had signed those contracts?

"Do you even care that you won't remember me?" Topher asked her.

Ashlyn looked at him like she was the one being hurt now. "Of course I do, Toph, I love you."

It was the first time that she had actually said it with those words and instead of saying it back, Topher just stood there. He couldn't believe that she could actually feel that way now even though he had been so sure of it before because this was not how you treated someone that you loved. Topher was by no means versed in love, but he was certain that if you loved someone, you didn't take yourself away from them to become a doll that anyone could pay to have at the drop of a wad of cash.

"You can't say that and then ask me to do this…" Topher said slowly, tears in his eyes.

Ashlyn tried to wet her dry mouth and wiped tears away. "Baby, I can't…every day I am just that much closer to ending it all and I can't do that to you either. This way at least I'm still alive."

"But you're NOT YOU!" Topher responded and shook his head vigorously. "I will hate you for this, Ash…"

"I," she began as the words cut her and then she nodded and gave a shrug, "I won't remember that."

xx

**Ashlyn and Topher – 2009**

Adelle's words had been going through Topher's mind for hours and so after her shower, Topher had Summer sent for and when she got there, she smiled at him. There had always been something there behind that smile, but he had never tried to understand it because he had chosen to do good on his promise and hate her for what she had done. Yes, he understood it from her point of view, but what she had done to him was unforgivable…right? Either way, he had her sit in the chair and he looked at the wedge that was labeled 'Ashlyn Groves' and he ran his fingers over it lovingly.

She was going to have so many questions, but he needed to talk to her and so he put the wedge where it belonged and tilted the chair back, taking a deep breath before he touched the button. Just like that, she twitched a moment and then as the chair sat back up, she looked at him and that smile that Ashlyn always gave him happened and he felt his stomach twisting up in knots. For a moment they sat there in silence, but then Ashlyn hurried over to Topher and he was blind sighted by her lips on his and he even moaned gently into her mouth.

"Ash…" Topher managed as her assault on his mouth continued.

Ashlyn pulled back and stroked his hair. "Your hair is a bit longer…end of my contract or is this a romantic engagement?"

"Why…" Topher began, but he trailed off.

"I knew that should you see that clause in the contract, that you would put me back, mad at me or not…unless…since this is my first memory after being in the chair for you to make me an Active…how long did you wait to look at my contract?" Ashlyn asked him.

"It's 2009," Topher admitted gently.

Ashlyn nodded and took a step away from him. "You really meant that you would hate me…then again it was just shy of 2008 so what kind of Christmas present did I give you?"

She took a seat in the chair and nodded at him, trying to figure out what to say and even Topher was at a loss of words because he had pictured so many times bringing Ashlyn back to him. He wondered what he would say to her and what she would say to him and there were certainly things to tell her, but he wasn't sure how to say them and right now this was about her. Ashlyn had made a whole list of demands in that contract of hers and while Topher could cash in on his allowed romantic engagements, he found himself not wanting to, not because he didn't love her, but because it wasn't right.

"DeWitt says she needs you to sign off on a one-time dangerous doll assignment," Topher explained even though that wasn't what he wanted to discuss first.

Ashlyn nodded slowly. "Alright…Active me…has she grouped to you like I told you she would?"

"Yes, and it hurts every time she asks to stay with me," Topher admitted gently.

"You can't program out love," Ashlyn responded, shaking her head. "How's my family?"

"Missing you like I am, only I get to see robot version of you all over the place, like some bad episode of _Lost in Space_." Topher said shaking his head.

Ashlyn smiled a little to try and lighten his mood. "I hope I'm at least a bit more like Dr. Smith…"

"Ash…"

She nodded when she heard the pain in his voice and then just asked for the papers to sign, taking her time reading them over before she signed them and handed them back to Topher. He hadn't asked her anything that he had wanted to, but seeing her as her made him at least remember some of the happier times that they had shared. For a moment he felt like they were back and he was the luckiest man on Earth, but then she settled back into the chair and he felt like his heart was being ripped to pieces.

"Why couldn't you have let me help you?" Topher asked her. "Been there for you like a normal person? I could have helped you through the depression."

Ashlyn smiled sadly at him. "You are helping me, Toph…you're saving me from myself."

Topher just shook his head and sighed, tilting the chair back and leaning down to kiss her forehead, smiling gently when she closed her eyes and smiled at the touch. This was not going to be the last time that Topher brought her out, but for now she was needed and Ashlyn was always there to help people. Eventually he would get through to her and he would get her back, he just needed to let her be her more often and get her to talk things out with him and then she'd see the light and he could get her out of her contract? Right?

"Did I fall asleep?" Summer asked him slowly as the chair tilted back up again.

Topher nodded gently. "For a little while…"

She started to ask him something else but he just turned around and rested his hands on his desk, so tired of all of this. He just wanted Ashlyn back regardless of what she had done to him and Summer could tell that he was hurting and that hurt her too. So she rested her hand on his back and moved it up and down, nails gently running up and down like Topher liked when Ashlyn was comforting him. He couldn't erase her love for him and some things linked these two…made it seem like Ashlyn was still in there somewhere.

"I will stay until you feel better," Summer stated nodding, resting her head on Topher's shoulder.

Topher let his head rest on hers and closed his sad eyes. "You don't have that kind of time…"

xx

**Dollhouse – 2009**

Echo was in need of some memory wipes before the big dangerous assignment that had Topher on edge, and so currently, Summer was Adelaide Dulant and on assignment. Topher had scanned her twice before he had let her go, and that just made her giggle at him like Ashlyn used to, which had Topher even more on edge. Adelaide was supposed to be a long time friend and colleague of Beau Fronte, and while it wasn't a romantic engagement, Topher had seen the way that Beau had looked at Summer and it had made him clam up in jealousy.

He was the only one allowed to look at her like that.

Of course Beau didn't know anything about who Summer had been before she was imprinted with Adelaide, but he found her attractive. He wondered if he could cash in on that too even though he'd been told that she was off limits, but that made her even more appealing to him and that put Topher in a space all night as Summer was at the function with her temporary Handler. Something had detained Clara and so she had a fill in and for once, Topher wished that he was there to fight for her…maybe fight for her honor.

Maybe that was nonsensical, but he wanted more than anything to just be there for her even if Adelaide could take care of herself. Topher had made sure to program her with some martial arts just in case she had to defend herself…but what if she didn't want to? What if something about Beau made her want him in some way other than that of just her long time friend and colleague? The thought of it had Topher sick to his stomach and right by his phone at all times just in case Jared, her temporary Handler, had to call him for back-up.

"You are a very beautiful woman, Addy," Beau told her as they reached their destination.

Summer smiled at him. "Thank you, Beau. Now let's go show those classmates of yours that you're still a top dog."

"You sure you don't want to waste away time here first…" Beau tried slowly, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I'm sure," Summer replied, nodding. "I'm in love with someone else and not that kind of girl."

"So _that's _the programming they do for that," Beau mused.

He waved it off when Summer raised her eyebrows at him and just ushered her inside to meet his classmates. This was just helping a really wealthy client and not really furthering Rossum other than by word of mouth that they protected their investors, and as the night wore on, Summer had less and less fun. Beau was talking himself up alright, and even though she was talking him up to, he was treating her like garbage he picked up off of the streets. Perhaps he was upset about not getting laid, but Summer was in tears and after slapping Beau hard in the face, she rushed out to her Handler.

Jared offered her a treatment but she actually shook her head: she wanted Topher.

The request was strange to him and yet he called Topher right away and told him that Summer had asked for him by name. She had met him after being imprinting with Adelaide and had known immediately that she loved him and she could trust him and had asked his name. He had told her like it was any other thing, not realizing that he was really speaking to the part of him that needed to be near him whether she was Ashlyn, Summer, or any other personality.

Ashlyn had explained to him in great length about childlike states and how the brain and the senses processed information and he understood it. He just knew that without her memories she wasn't his Ashlyn, but even without the memories she believed that she was his because there were other forces at work besides her memories. She and Topher were bonded and they would always be bonded, regardless of whatever feelings they were having at the time. So he hurried to her and when he got there she saw him get out of the car and hurriedly went to wipe her tears away so he wouldn't think that she was a baby or anything.

Quite the contrary—when Topher saw that she had been crying, he felt his blood begin to boil because someone had hurt her. He clenched his fists and was going to go inside, but she rose and he saw that look on her face…that look that Ashlyn got when she just needed to be held and Topher Brink went all limp at that and pulled her to him. Jared had absolutely no idea about the bond that Topher and Summer had, but he nodded when Topher said that sometimes the memories made them moody and sent him to the van to go back to the Dollhouse.

Since Jared knew that Topher would bring Summer back he complied, Topher running his fingers through her hair and holding her close. God, he wished he was holding Ashlyn right now and technically he was, but this was Adelaide, not Ashlyn and not even Summer and he didn't really know what to do about it all. All he knew was that she needed him and had asked for him and for right now he was going to be her knight in shining armor.

"Why did you call me?" Topher asked her slowly.

Summer pulled back and looked up into his eyes. "Because I love you and I trust you. Oh…Oh, I'm sorry, that was forward."

"No, well, yeah—it's alright," Topher managed, feeling his stomach knot up again. "I will always come for you."

"I know that…"

"How?"

"I just do, Toph,"

**Note: Man, something is going on with Ashlyn, isn't it? She's so grouped to him that she just needs him regardless of who she is, huh? What about this childlike state theory of hers? More tomorrow! Feedback is always appreciated!**


	4. Unforseen Circumstances

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Dedicated to princessjames21—I love and adore her and I love that someone else loves Dollhouse and Topher like I do.**

**I love writing this so much that you don't even know. This chapter focuses on starting the dangerous mission and has a **_**lot**_** of Ashlyn/Topher in it, past and present. It also has a cliffhanger and an added sex warning so if you don't want to read that, then skip the '2006' part with Ashlyn and Topher, but it's not as descriptive as a scene that will come later on.**

**WARNINGS: Language, Dark Themes, Sex, Violence, Blood**

**ENJOY!**

xxxx

**Dollhouse – 2009**

There was a moment there where Topher had Summer in his arms and he almost kissed her, but Beau came out and this wasn't Ashlyn or Summer right now…this was Adelaide. Sure, she loved Topher as much as Summer and Ashlyn did, but she still wasn't her and this was a client. It was a client that Topher wanted to pummel, but he knew he'd lose the fight and perhaps his job, so instead he offered Adelaide a treatment and then handed her over to Jared and took her back to the Dollhouse.

Adelle gave him a knowing nod when he returned and he took Summer right with him to go and put her in the chair, Adelle going to her office and watching a little bit. Boyd came to talk to her too to try and finish the conversation that they had had before and he looked to where Adelle was watching Topher with a look on her face that Boyd hadn't seen before. It wasn't jealousy or condescension, no…it was caring and he knew that Adelle was looking after his friend.

"Is it wise for our programmer to be in love with a doll?" Boyd asked Adelle.

"Active," Adelle corrected him.

After wiping Summer of Adelaide's personality, Topher looked at Ashlyn's wedge and then he looked at Summer as the chair tilted up. He wasn't supposed to, he was sure, but right now he had had it up to here with being cautious and he wanted to have it out with her. Topher wanted to yell and to kiss and to just be in Ashlyn's presence right now and pick her brain the way that they used to do when it was just the two of them wasting their time away. They worked better together and some of Topher's finest work had been achieved with Ashlyn by his side.

"Did I fall asleep?" Summer asked Topher gently.

Topher looked at her and nodded. "For a little while—may I offer you another treatment?"

"I do like my treatments," Summer replied with a loving smile, settling back into the chair.

Nodding, Topher imprinted Summer with Ashlyn's personality and when the chair tilted up again, Adelle had a small smile on her face. She knew Topher better than Topher thought that she did and she knew that once he had actually looked at Ashlyn's contract that she would be back and new deal could potentially be negotiated. Boyd, however, was confused and he looked at Adelle as she poured herself some tea and offered her some, shaking his head.

"What is that?" Boyd asked, looking over at Topher's office where Topher and Ashlyn were now yelling at each other, Ivy having come in and then left rather quickly.

Adelle leaned on her desk. "That, Mr. Langton, is pure unadulterated love."

"Is it always that violent?" Boyd asked her, watching as Ashlyn closed her eyes and gripped her hair and kept arguing with Topher.

"Love is one of the strongest, purest emotions—or so we are led to believe in fairy tales and children's stories," Adelle responded with a gentle shrug. "You know, I never wanted Ashlyn to become an Active."

Boyd turned to give Adelle his full attention as he saw her look at the young couple with a small smile on her face. He knew more about Ashlyn than he was letting on, but he didn't know what Adelle knew and she was about to tell him some things that he knew that he would want to hear. So he settled in and put their talk on hold so that he could hear what it was that Adelle had possibly wanted to happen instead of getting a new doll for her Dollhouse collection.

"I was always actually rather fond of Ms. Groves," Adelle told Boyd, having noticed her previous mistake of calling her 'Ashlyn'. "She was highly intelligent and a skilled nurse—she made Mr. Brink a better person and a better designer."

Boyd nodded gently. "How so?"

"They did their best work together," Adelle continued with a nod. "He came up with how to make imprints take less time all on his own but the tech since then? His brilliance is his own but she pushes him to do better—'pushed' him to. When she came to me asking to be an Active, I didn't say 'no', only because I knew what had happened to her, something even Topher doesn't know about and I made him do this to her…because she asked me to. I would have rather she become his assistant or Saunders' but that wasn't what she wanted."

"If she makes him a better designer, then perhaps we should see about readjusting her contract…" Boyd suggested slowly. "It would make this Dollhouse better than the others, wouldn't it? Run smoother…"

Adelle looked at him and pondered the suggestion as Ashlyn fled to Topher's room in the Dollhouse and he followed her there. He didn't want her there when it held so many memories for them, but she felt safe there and was tired of being yelled at. Yes, she deserved it and she knew it, but she was just tired of all of this and she knew that Topher was too, but there was always something for them to be arguing about it seemed.

"You can't be in here," Topher told her.

Ashlyn nodded at that and flopped onto his mattress on the floor. "Tough cookies,"

"Go back to the chair," Topher tried again, getting a little exasperated with her.

"No," she responded and then looked at him. "Glad you brought me back?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed absent-mindedly.

Topher was glad that she was here in this space with him, but he was just having a hard time right now with all of this. Especially because he was starting to have feelings for Adelaide for a moment and as far as he was concerned it was her fault and he wanted to confront her about it. Still, he knew that he wasn't supposed to just be willy nilly putting her personality back into her and he needed to get her back into the chair and put her back as Summer…as much as that killed him every time to do.

"Making you Summer kills me a bit more each time I do it," Topher admitted as Ashlyn nodded.

She nodded too and looked up at the ceiling, Topher taking a deep breath and then lying down on the mattress with her on his back. They were both looking up at the ceiling and they were right next to each other, Ashlyn leaning so her head was against his shoulder and he smiled a little and rested his head against hers too, both still focused on the ceiling. Looking at each other would both comfort and break them and so this was a happy medium and when Ashlyn gently moved her hand to gingerly stroke his, Topher took her hand in his and their fingers interlaced.

"I know this is my fault, Toph," she explained slowly, biting her lip. "I never should have put you through any of this, I was just having a moment of weakness."

"I know," Topher told her gently, tired of fighting. "You couldn't handle it and I wasn't enough for you."

Ashlyn felt the tears come. "That's not why I did it, Toph. I did it because things happened to me that I couldn't talk to you about—and I know I could talk to you about anything, I just…not this. I lost so many things that were dear to me and I needed to not be me even though…I can still feel all of the pain I was trying to erase right now."

"I just want you back," Topher admitted finally, turning his head to face her.

She looked at him too and kissed him tenderly. "Someday, Topher…just hold me for now, please?"

xx

**Ashlyn and Topher – 2006**

The very first time that Ashlyn had been inside of the Dollhouse, was when Topher snuck her into it against Dominic's orders. While Dominic didn't think Ashlyn was going to undermine the Dollhouse, he didn't want Topher bringing his girlfriend into the place, but Topher wanted to share all sorts of aspects of his life with Ashlyn and this was one of those things. He had smuggled her into the Dollhouse and then showed her around a little, introducing her to the Actives they ran across and then taking her to his room.

It actually wasn't one of the nicest places and the mattress was on the floor and it definitely wasn't decorated or incredibly homey, but it was Topher's space. Just being here in the place where Topher tinkered away without anyone bothering him made Ashlyn grin nice and big and Topher smiled back, his stomach doing flip flops every time she smiled. To him, she was absolutely perfect and he couldn't ask for a better person to share himself with.

"You know what else this room is good for?" Ashlyn asked Topher slowly, taking off her coat.

Topher smiled a little at her. "What?"

"Kissing your girlfriend…" Ashlyn said wiggling her eyebrows.

She was trying to be playful, but they'd also had a really nice dinner filled with laughter and science talk, and right now she just wanted Topher to hold her…kiss her. Being in Topher's arms had always been her favorite place to be, other than nerding out and being ridiculous with Remy, which she was rather often. There were times that Topher felt like _he_ was the third wheel in their little world and honestly he was alright with that because Remy was a really good friend and a really good person and he knew that Ashlyn was trying to set her up with this Colin character. Colin was a lawyer and he was really sweet, just the kind of man that Remy needed, but right now that didn't matter—kissing Ashlyn did.

When Ashlyn sat down on Topher's mattress, Topher followed right after and he let his lips collide into hers, both of them a little less awkward about it all now. At first their kisses were fevered and sometimes badly timed, but they would always be good and full of need and care. Right now they both simply needed the comfort of each other's touch and as the kiss deepened, Topher felt Ashlyn's fingers slip up into his hair and massage his scalp. Then she nipped at his lips with her teeth and they both couldn't help but moan a little, pulling back and making eye contact, breathing a bit heavier.

"So…would it be too forward of me to ask to spend the night here?" Ashlyn asked slowly, unbuttoning her shirt slowly.

Topher swallowed, his voice cracking when he spoke. "Technically you're not supposed to be here, but I'd like that."

"Good, because I fully intend on sharing this mattress with you tonight," Ashlyn told him nodding.

The two had been dating for a good 8 months now and their relationship had hit this level where they were past the 'honeymoon phase' and straight into 'want'. They were still cute and they rarely fought, and sometimes Remy called them vomit inducing, but right now they were both feeling like it was time to hit that next level instead of just thinking about it. Nodding into the kiss that he felt pressed against his lips, Topher laid Ashlyn down on the bed and smiled as she started unbuttoning his buttons too.

"Are we about to sleep together?" Topher found himself asking.

Ashlyn nodded gently. "Yes, I think so."

"Like as in sex?"

"No, I just sleep in my underwear."

"That's not even a little fair."

"Topher…" Ashlyn said with a gentle laugh, letting her hands run down his torso to his pants and unfastening them. "As in sex…"

Neither of them had actually had sex before, but they both knew the fundamentals and despite her otherwise seeming innocent behavior, Ashlyn was a bit sexual. She knew just how to touch and to tease him and she knew what she wanted this to be like, mainly because she was a movie buff but also because, because of Remy she had read a few romance novels in her time and she wasn't a prude. It had been a personal choice to stay a virgin and now Topher was her choice. As for Topher, he'd never had the time in all of his success and while everyone else was out having it, he was tinkering about.

Still, they reveled in getting each other's clothes off, very slowly taking each article off and running their hands along each other. When they were both bare, Ashlyn leaned forward and started to kiss Topher's shoulders and chest, letting her finger trail along his abdomen and Topher wondered what it was that she'd been researching. Ashlyn never half-assed anything and if she was ready to do this, she had researched it over and over and over before actually trying it out and it wasn't like they didn't make sexual jokes sometimes, but this was different…this was actually doing it.

"Ash…" Topher said gently.

Ashlyn looked up at him as they stood on their knees on the mattress and wrapped her arms around his neck. She was more than ready for this, she was sure of it, and when she stroked his hair and kissed his nose affectionately, Topher smiled a bit and the shaking they were doing out of nervously slowly started to fade. There was something special in her eyes right now…love. Of course they hadn't said it yet even though they felt it and they even showed it, but in the line of work that Topher was and with Ashlyn's bruised past, they hadn't let the words escape for fear of losing what they had.

"I'm yours, Toph," Ashlyn told him softly, running her nose along his. "Always…"

Topher smiled and kissed her lovingly, nice and slow. "I'm yours too."

She nodded and let her hand trail down his abdomen to stroke him gently, wanting to focus on relaxing him because she felt relaxed enough now. Topher got more nervous about things physically than she did and she'd already talked herself through this over and over and over and now that the moment was here she just wanted to take advantage of it. He groaned gently and kissed her more passionately, lying her down on the bed and getting in between her legs, loving the gentle caress of her touch and looking her in the eye as he rested just outside of her entrance, nuzzling her face with his.

He didn't want to move any further unless she was ready and she was, gripping his shoulder rather tightly with her nails as he pushed in, flesh in flesh. Topher whimpered and so did Ashlyn, burying her face in his shoulder because while she had done her best to be relaxed, it still hurt just a little bit and she had to adjust and he knew that. Still, her nails in his skin felt half good and half painful and they both just paused there for a moment taking the moment in before she leaned back against the pillow and smiled at him as he stroked her hair and her cheek and kissed her nose and her lips. With a gentle nod and a roll up of her hips, Topher knew it was his cue to move and so he did.

That initial movement opened them up to the feel of each other's skin running back and forth along each other's and Ashlyn ran her nails up and down Topher's back as he entered and withdrew. Moans and gasps filled up the room as they set a tempo and Ashlyn took a turn on top to get a handle on it all and all it did was heighten everything between them. There were whispers of affection and gentle touches of each other's lips before Topher found himself toppling over, the sensation making Ashlyn moan gently, but Topher was feeling a bit self conscious now.

He knew she was in a little bit of pain, but he wanted Ashlyn to feel this good too, so he went out of his way to make everything as pleasing as possible until she actually found a release. Topher beamed when his name was on her lips to reward him for hers on his before and after slipping out slowly, Topher held Ashlyn close to him and they smiled and kissed and nuzzled, stroking each other's damp skin gently as they caught their breaths. At that moment their entire dynamic had changed and they were the better for it and they were glad.

"Topher," came Adelle'a voice.

Quickly, Topher looked toward the door and sat up a little to hide Ashlyn, glad they had the sheets covering them, but not glad Ashlyn was laughing a little bit. Normally Adelle didn't just walk in down here but she had needed to talk to him and while Topher was red in the face, if Adelle was embarrassed, she didn't let it show. She just sighed and Topher started to stumble over his words to try and make the situation a little bit better.

"We, uh, we were just—see, Ashlyn came because…we were, uh…" Topher started rambling.

Ashlyn peeked her head up over Topher's shoulder, her body covered by his. "We were engaging in sexual intercourse."

"Ash, you are not being cute," Topher told her. "If you need something, Boss, I can get up and get dressed and be right there."

"See to it that you do, Mr. Brink," Adelle said, looking at Ashlyn. "See to it that Mr. Dominic doesn't see you when you sneak out in the morning. I expect a long day of dedication from you tomorrow, Mr. Brink. I will leave the work orders on your desk and I expect you to get to them early in the morning."

Topher nodded quickly and told Adelle that he would get to it, sighing a bit when Ashlyn started laughing again as Adelle left down the walkway to go back out to her area. He was red in the face and yet he cooed a little when Ashlyn started to tenderly trace the claw marks she'd left in his skin and then kissed his shoulder blades. If she kept this up, she was just going to get him all revved up again and he was embarrassed enough as it was right now with Adelle walking in.

"That was my boss," Topher told her.

Ashlyn nodded and laughed. "Yeah, Adelle and I have met before. Sorry for the claw marks…"

"Those will hurt in the morning," Topher said thinking about it.

"Yes, and when you complain, I'll refer you to my broken hymen," Ashlyn joked, laughing when Topher sighed at her again, going redder in the face, so she kissed his back. "I love when you blush…"

Topher smiled a little as she started to kiss his back. "If you're not careful, you're going to make another man reaction happen, Ash…"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…"

"Mmm, good…"

xx

**Dollhouse – 2007**

"It's her or it's me!" Topher told Adelle strongly, shaking his head. "I'm not going to do it…"

Adelle looked at Topher and nodded. "Yes, in fact you are. She had signed a contract and the contract states that she is to be turned into an Active. You have my full permission to look it all over if you want to, Mr. Brink."

Using Topher's name in such a professional manner just told him that she meant business here and wasn't to be messed with and Topher….Topher was upset. He was emotionally compromised and he couldn't figure out what to do next because this was Ashlyn that he was talking about—the girl of his dreams that was beautiful, sassy, nerdy and all around just his ideal match. He was in love with her and he'd never come out and said it and now…now she was being taken away from him and he just couldn't handle it.

"I can't put her in that chair…" Topher said gently, shaking his head.

Adelle smiled and nodded. "You can…and you will…then you will talk to her family like she asked you to and you will imprint her when you are asked to."

Knowing that nothing else he said on the matter mattered, he went to Ashlyn and for the first time ever he felt like keeping things from her. Just that morning he had gone to talk to the hospital and to Remy's parents to see about giving her another week and he came back to the Dollhouse to call Ashlyn but she was already there. She was there and she had told him she'd signed the contract and sat down in the chair and he went straight to Adelle to change the order and yet he couldn't. He had to do this and anything he said to her now would just get erased.

"Is there anything you want to say first?" Ashlyn asked to break the silence between them.

Topher shot her a look. "You'll have it wiped from you anyway, so nothing I say right now will matter, will it? You made your choice and now I have to live with it."

"I love you," Ashlyn told him even though she knew he was mad. "I'm sorry I never said it sooner, but I do. I'm just scared of what I'm becoming and I need to do this."

"No, you don't, you're stronger than this, Ash,"

"Obviously I'm not, or I wouldn't be in this chair…"

Nodding at that sentiment, he told her that it was going to hurt and she nodded as he began to hook her up to all sorts of things. This was an extensive process and he was trying so hard not to break down or cry and so was she. Then right before he flipped the switch he told her that he would always be there for her and she believed it, even though they both knew that he meant what he had said earlier: he was going to hate her for this…and he wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

xx

**Dollhouse – 2009**

Programming Summer for this dangerous engagement had Topher a bit jittery and just for good measure he made sure that she was perfectly capable of handling herself. It wasn't necessarily supposed to be in her programming, but Adelle had needed her for a very special task, and that was to be a normal, everyday girl that could lure out a killer. That had Topher even more on edge and even Ivy noticed that Topher was in need of being on his own, so she did her job while keeping her space from him to let him handle this.

"She shouldn't be out there," Topher said gently as he rifled through some files.

Ivy wanted to ask him about all of this and about Summer and instead, she had gone through some files and found out that the 'Ashlyn Groves' imprint belonged to her. After a little more digging she found out that Ashlyn and Topher were together and so at this point she was just trying to make sure that Topher stayed at least objective about it all. He still had a job to do as the LA Dollhouse's lead programmer and then again on the other hand…maybe that meant more work for Ivy so she could prove herself.

Regardless, this mission was happening and Echo, Summer, Sierra and November were all part of it, imprinted with different personalities. Summer was the bait, programmed under the radar with several cutting edge survival instincts, Echo was the brawn and Sierra and November were the undercover agents sent to get this guy. He was a killer that attacked when there were large crowds and this particular crowd was a large parade and the client was watching from a safe distance with his own special ops team on stand by—why waste his own men would he could waste dolls instead?

"You know what I don't understand?" Echo asked Summer.

Summer looked at her and shrugged a little. "What?"

"How you can kill someone in a crowd…someone is bound to notice," Echo explained to her.

"I don't think people go into things like this expecting to be watching out for a murder," Summer laughed gently. "I mean things like this happen and what we want to do is get him before something truly terrible happens, right?"

"I guess maybe I'm itching for a fight…" Echo admitted gently.

These other personalities that they had were so focused, simply because this desperately needed to be fixed and when Summer joked that Echo wasn't wearing green, Echo just rolled her eyes. They were a little focused on each other, but they had their eyes peeled and not one thing could prepare them for what would come next…not a single thing at all. The two Actives were minding their own business on the lookout for any suspicious persons that might in turn be the killer that they were after and then a man came up to them.

He was tall and he looked so bewildered, Echo at first thinking maybe this was him, but then his eyes filled up with tears. Summer felt a kinship to the man and looked at him, a bit confused but feeling like she could trust him…right? What was that? Sometimes when she was imprinted, her feelings took over even though the imprint was firmly in place and while Ashlyn would get that, Summer didn't. All that Summer knew was that this man knew her somehow and she didn't really know him—she couldn't remember him despite the feeling in her gut.

"Ashlyn, baby girl, is that you?" the man asked her. "It's me, your Dad…"

**Note: Only two flashbacks, but I thought they were both important due to the nature of this mission. Also, oh man…when Topher finds out about this…will Ashlyn feel like something is amiss? Feedback is always appreciated!**


	5. Loss of Innocence

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Oh, this chapter also has a cliffhanger and I can't wait for you guys to read what that cliffhanger is! I love this story so much and I hope that the like two of you reading this are enjoying it was much as I am and continue to love it. (You will get another chapter tomorrow most definitely.)**

**WARNINGS: Language, Dark Themes, Sex, Violence, Blood**

**ENJOY!**

xxxx

**Summer/Ashlyn – 2009**

Here was this man telling her that he was her father and she had absolutely _no_ recollection of him no matter how hard she tried to wrack her brain. It was like she was clawing at walls that had been put up and in a way she was…she had all sorts of memory blocks in place and when she looked at him like she was sad and confused, he reached out and cupped her face, stroking her hair. For a moment she wanted to pull back and tell him to leave her alone, but she trusted him and that far beyond some memory wipes…this was her flesh and blood.

Still, every other logical thought told her that she needed to tell this man to go away and she had a job to focus on, so she pulled away. The man looked like he was going to try, but she gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and then she looked at Echo, who had her eyebrows raised at the whole thing. They had personalities imprinted on them and unless Summer was lying to her, she wasn't this 'Ashlyn' character and there was a job to be done.

"Listen, pal, you need to keep up this parade charade and get lost," Echo told him, taking Ashlyn by the hand and tugging on her. "We're in the middle of something."

Mr. Groves nodded gently. "I just miss you, honey…"

"I miss you too," Summer said with a nod, knowing it was what he needed to hear.

Giving him a smile, she nodded again and then started heading off with Echo when she paused. There was a man in the crowd that was a little large and wearing a suspicious trench coat. He had green on like he belonged in the parade, but something about him was ominous and she pointed him out to Echo so that Echo could keep an eye on him. The man had clocked in on them and had eyed Ashlyn up as she spoke to Mr. Groves, going towards Mr. Groves as he was distracted by watching his daughter walk away from him.

"Donna," Summer said to Echo, tugging on her.

Echo saw the man clock in on Mr. Groves and go up to him, grabbing him and pointing a gun at his back and suddenly everything kind of snapped inside of her. Summer felt like this man needed to be protected and he thought that she was his daughter so even if he was crazy, that meant that she owed it to him to get him through this. She had a compassion that was there even without the imprint telling her to be compassionate and she went over to him, the small group there terrified as the man began to speak to them.

"I want you all to remain calm, or people start getting shot," the man said calmly as Echo signaled the other team to come and take care of this because the man was armed and if she started something then he would start shooting.

Summer looked the man in the eyes. "Don't do this…what do you want?"

"I want people to understand that I have the power," he told her as Mr. Groves took deep breaths and shook his head.

"It's alright, Ashlyn, honey," Mr. Groves tried and grunted when the man thrust the gun harder into his back.

Summer moved in a little and the man shook his head, Summer thrusting his palm up to hit his chin. Perhaps it had been a bad move, but the man dropped the gun and Summer grabbed at it, Echo signaling the other team to move in right now, but it was too late for Mr. Groves. Even though Summer now had the gun and she was pointing it at the murdered, he had unsheathed a knife as he got up and stuck it right into Mr. Groves just to prove his point to her. Summer couldn't stop her finger and pulled the trigger, shooting the murderer right in the head and the whole crowd assembled near her gasped and some started to cry even though the gun had a silencer on it.

There was now a lot of blood on the ground and Echo started telling Summer to run, but she couldn't help but bend down and hold Mr. Groves, trying to stop his bleeding, but this personality didn't have any nursing experience. So she just kissed the man's forehead and tried to be as much of a daughter as she could be in his last moments, and he told her he loved her and she said she loved him back, but she didn't really know him…not as Summer. Still, they were extracted from the scene by their Handlers and now Rossum had to do its best to fix this, but at the moment Summer was confused and had tears in her eyes for unknown reasons.

"I don't…I don't understand," she said gently. "I…I'm so sad that he's dead."

Echo nodded gently. "I don't know why he thinks he was your father."

"I felt like his daughter there for a moment…" Summer admitted as they got into the big black, Dollhouse van to be taken back to the Dollhouse. "Worst part is…this feeling doesn't feel very foreign to me, this sick aching feeling…"

"We've all experienced loss," Echo tried, taking her hand. "It's not something you just forget."

xx

**Ashlyn and Remy – 2007**

Every single day, Ashlyn brought Remy flowers and then sat and talked to her, or read to her while she lay there in the hospital bed in a coma. Today, Ashlyn had brought _Peter Pan_ with her and she smiled sadly at Remy as she entered the room, trying to tune out the infernal beeping of the machines that Remy was hooked up to. All they did was remind Ashlyn that Remy wasn't doing anything for herself right now and as her best friend, Ashlyn hadn't been allowed to have any part of her treatment and it was eating her up inside.

At this point, Remy was being kept alive by the machines and Ashlyn just wanted to stimulate some part of her brain to make her come back to her. Colin had only just gotten his second date with Remy before all of this had happened and Ashlyn kept replaying the day over and over again in her mind because they were at the drugstore to get things for dinner for a double date. It would be the third and it was getting Colin more acquainted with Ashlyn as Ashlyn was the final go to on letting men date Remy and Remy was the final go to on letting men date Ashlyn—that was simply how it all worked.

"So, we're doing one of my favorites today," Ashlyn announced as she put the flowers in the vase and then took a seat in the chair near the bed. "Besides, swearing out loud is a lot of fun."

Smiling because she knew that Remy would have normally had something to say about that, Ashlyn tucked her hair behind her ears and opened up the book. She was trying really hard not to cry right now, but she had been running on barely any sleep and she still had to stop by the Dollhouse and run some things over with Topher about his new invention. It just didn't seem to her like it should matter all that much because Remy was stuck here in a hospital with whirring and beeping machines and Ashlyn got to walk around and do whatever she wanted—all she really wanted was Remy back.

"All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs. Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, 'Oh, why can't you remain like this for ever!' This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end." Ashlyn read gently, pausing a moment. "Even in a childlike state, one knows that they must grow…I miss being childlike, Remy."

Looking up from the book, Ashlyn reached out and took Remy's hand in hers, stroking it with her thumb and then kissing it gently. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she pulled it out, blotting her eyes and taking a deep breath before she decided to flip the top open and put it up to her ear so that she could answer it and sound happy.

"Hey, Toph," she said as jubilantly as possible.

Topher took a deep breath. "I just wanted to remind you to take your time, there's no rush on today."

"That's sweet, baby, but I can't stay here forever, it's too painful," Ashlyn admitted with a sad smile. "Besides, the nurses hate when I stay too long."

"Alright, but honestly, don't rush," Topher said again. "Spend as much time as you can with her and give her my best."

"Topher still hates you," Ashlyn teased to Remy and then felt her throat tighten up when there was no response at all. "I will see you shortly, Toph."

Hanging up, Ashlyn kissed Remy's forehead and whispered that she loved her before she got in her car and went to the Dollhouse. Once inside, she went into the bathroom and freshened up as much as possible but it was obvious that she still wasn't sleeping as much as she really needed to be. Topher clocked in on that right away and kissed her lovingly, letting his lips linger on hers longer than was their normal 'hello' kiss, and Ashlyn welcomed it, wrapping her arms around him.

"Do we have enough time for me to get you turned on so we can get my mind off of things before we dive right into all of the fun tech today?" Ashlyn asked Topher slowly.

Topher stroked her hair. "I feel like that would be taking advantage of the situation…"

"If I'm not going to get any sleep, it ought to be partially because I'm having too much sex to have time to sleep," Ashlyn told him, trying to joke. "Besides, I need to have my brain nice and clear and relaxed for us to work, so…man reaction please?"

"Alright," Topher said, taking her hand and leading her to his room. "Only because you'll keep asking until I do it."

Ashlyn smiled a bit, genuinely. "You know me so well."

xx

**Topher – 2009**

"What do you mean Ashlyn's father is dead?!" Topher asked Adelle hurriedly. "Why was he even…he never liked those parades. Where was Jenna? Jenna would have been there."

Topher pulled out his phone and low and behold there were text messages from Jenna, frantic ones about her father. She had been with her mother parking the car and their father had gone ahead to try and find a place to set up and she was distraught and she needed to see him. He was part of her family because she knew that her sister had loved him and even though Ashlyn was MIA for now, she understood and her whole family thought she was at a rehab clinic because of her depression and her suicide attempt that they hadn't told Topher about. Now, Jenna just needed her pseudo big brother and Topher felt like he needed to be there for her.

"This mess was more easily cleaned up than I thought, but there's the problem of Ashlyn," Adelle explained to Topher as he pocketed his phone. "Her family believes her to be in a rehab…it is important that she go to her father's funeral and that you accompany her."

Topher shook his head slowly. "I can't…I can't tell her that her father is dead."

"You don't have a choice," Adelle told him shrugging. "I suggest you find a way to do it."

Making a face, Topher left and he went to his office, looking at the chair and then shaking his head. No, right now Jenna and Mrs. Groves had to be his priority, and yet…maybe Ashlyn would want to go with him. It was just that in order to take her with him, he would have to put that wedge in that chair, bring her back to him and then tell her that her father had died in her arms. All that was going to do was make it that much harder for her because Remy had almost died in her arms and this imprint she'd had, hadn't even known basic medical skills to save his life, if she could have.

"It's better sooner than later," Boyd told Topher, entering the room. "I don't know the entire story, but if you get it out of the way she'll be less angry."

Topher shook his head slowly. "Either way she'll be angry."

"The girl lost her father and came in here talking about how confused she was," Boyd explained with a gentle nod. "DeWitt tells me that Ashlyn had theories about the body over the mind. What did you think about them?"

"I think they had merit," Topher admitted to him.

He looked at Boyd and even though he was confused as to why they were having this conversation, he knew that Ashlyn had been onto something and he wanted to pick her brain. She had all of these theories about muscle memory and original cognitive responses, and all about evolving even in the childlike state that the Actives were reduced to with their memory blockers. Topher wanted to look into it more, but telling Ashlyn about her father? It just didn't seem like something that he could muster up the courage to do right now and that bothered him—they'd always been able to talk about things.

Until Remy happened.

That whole event in their lives had crippled every event after them and Topher understood that—he understood that if there was one person that Ashlyn would share her life with besides him, it was Remy. The two were inseparable practically and sometimes Topher felt like the third wheel and he had had to go through a _lot_ of hoops before Remy even accepted Topher in the first place, not sure how she felt about him at first. Knowing that Ashlyn was dating the head programmer at the LA Dollhouse made Remy a little worried but Topher was so lovable that she got over it.

Still, now he was being faced with another tragedy close to home with the woman that he loved and so he sighed and grabbed her wedge, putting it into the chair and calling Summer in to him. Boyd smiled a little bit and Summer smiled back at him, sitting in the chair and calmly leaning back and then jolting as the original imprint was put into her head and now she was Ashlyn. When the imprint was loaded, a tear trickled out of her left eye and Boyd was just as curious as Topher was about what was going on inside of Ashlyn's body—Boyd wanted to see the brain scans of her.

"Something bad has happened, I can feel it in my gut," Ashlyn said as she sat up and wiped the tear away. "Boyd is even here…how can this be good?"

Topher took a deep breath. "It's not good, it's…it's something really bad actually."

"Then please, just spit it out," Ashlyn requested, feeling small and helpless.

"Ash, baby, it's about your father, he…" Topher trailed off as Ashlyn's eyes filled with tears and found that the words weren't coming, they were stuck in his now tightened throat.

"He was murdered at the parade today," Boyd finished as Ashlyn nodded.

It was almost like she expected that to happen and she couldn't stop the tears from coming, Topher to her in an instant. He held her as she sobbed, hands pawing at her chest and the tears came for him too because seeing her in so much pain always broke his heart into tiny little pieces. Boyd looked on as she kept crying and Topher gently explained to her what had happened and even hearing that she'd shot the man that did this made her feel better, but not enough to stop the crying. Her father was dead and she had wasted this last year and a half of her life being an Active instead of being with her family…she felt like she was in that place she was when Remy was gone.

xx

**Ashlyn, Jenna and Remy – 2006**

"He is actually incredibly sweet," Remy agreed that day as she and Ashlyn took pictures at the park with Jenna.

Every once in a while the three would find themselves at a park in nice weather all dolled up and with a camera and they'd do little photo shoots. Today, Remy was showing off her new hair color and Jenna had a new, bright and colorful outfit that she wanted to have captured on film, so Ashlyn was enjoying just spending time with them and gossiping about Topher. Things between her and Topher were getting heavier and heavier and honestly, if she didn't get some kind of release with him soon, she was pretty sure that she was going to lose it.

"I'm surprised you haven't had sex yet," Remy said honestly as she posed for a shot.

Jenna laughed a little bit. "Topher is a gentleman and I have a feeling that unless Ashlyn makes the first move, he's not going to do anything about that department."

"He's a man still, though, isn't he?" Remy asked as she and Jenna made funny faces for a picture. "He has to get good and turned on sometimes."

"Topher's boss says that when I nip at his ear at work it makes him lose focus," Ashlyn put in with a laugh when Jenna gave her sister a look.

"You do that to him while he's at work?" Jenna asked shaking her head. "You really are bad cop in our relationship—you're evil."

Ashlyn shrugged as Remy laughed about it and then she asked Ashlyn for the camera, who reluctantly handed it over. She and Jenna started posing for some adorable sister shots and then they all started walking towards the swings at the other end of the park, still talking about Topher because he always seemed to be a topic of discussion. Of course Remy and Jenna were always looking for red flags in the relationship because should this get serious enough to the point of marriage, they needed to know the man inside and out.

"If it's because of love, I say wait until you really feel that he does and do something romantic," Remy suggested with a nod. "I know that it sounds like a male thing to say, but sex is part of relationships and until you start having it, the relationship isn't living up to its full potential."

Jenna rolled her eyes. "There is nothing wrong with waiting until marriage."

"What if you find out that he's bad at sex after that though?" Remy countered, looking at Jenna.

"You wouldn't have anything to compare it too if you just waited and even if it was bad, you can work at it…how can it be bad between two people in love?" Jenna asked her honestly. "If you love the other person then it isn't about fancy positions or any of that—it's just about two people wanting to be that kind of intimate with each other."

"I want a man who can make me orgasm personally, not just someone to be close to, but I hear what you're saying," Remy said nodding some more. "It is about being close to another person."

Jenna smiled at that. "Yeah, and I think that while an orgasm is nice, if you psych yourself up for something porn like or just in general, you were setting yourself up to fail in the first place."

Ashlyn listened to the two talking about it and in the end Remy seemed convinced of what Jenna was trying to say and it made Ashlyn smile. Remy hadn't had the best boyfriends in the past before Ashlyn and even a crappy one that Ashlyn hadn't been there to stop Remy from going out with and she and Jenna viewed sex differently. Sure, Remy was the only one that had actually had any, but Ashlyn thought that there was truth to what they were saying. Ashlyn wanted to have sex with Topher because she wanted to be that intimate with him even though they weren't married and it wasn't about the orgasm even though that would be nice…it was about showing Topher how committed to him she really was.

As far as Ashlyn was concerned, sex was a very personal and very intimate act and not to be taken lightly like so many people did. The only guy she had even honestly considered having sex with that was real—she had her actor fantasies—was Topher and that had to be a sign, didn't it? She was craving him in a way other than just for hugs, cuddles and having scientific conversations and there was nothing wrong with it, it was just telling her that there was a sexual connection there too and not just an emotional one. Ashlyn wanted Topher to know that too and as he was in fact a guy, she knew that at some point the topic of sex would be actually breached and not just the sexual jokes.

"We'll get to sex when we get to it," Ashlyn announced as they made it to the swings. "Now, how about some really silly pics?"

xx

**Ashlyn and Topher – 2009**

When Ashlyn rang the doorbell, she was shaking a little bit and Topher had to reach out to steady her, kissing her temple as the door opened. Jenna saw her sister and squealed, having been away from her for far too long—if there was anyone closer to Ashlyn than Remy and Topher, it was Jenna. In fact, Ashlyn often referred to Jenna as her best friend and Topher was constantly telling Jenna stories about what Summer was doing, just saying Ashlyn was doing things instead because as far as they knew, Topher got to visit a lot because of his job. Now the brunettes were hugging each other and crying started up again, making Topher a little uncomfortable until Jenna hugged him.

"When you texted me saying that you had a surprise, I didn't think you meant my sister!" Jenna told him excitedly, pulling back and kissing his cheek. "Thank you…"

"I don't get to stay," Ashlyn said and Jenna nodded because she knew that. "I just had to see you because…"

Jenna nodded when Ashlyn got choked up and trailed off. "Yeah, honey, I know."

"I can't believe this is happening," Ashlyn said wiping away tears.

"Mom has been crying since it happened," Jenna warned Ashlyn as she and Topher came inside of the house. "I don't think that this is something that she will ever be getting over, you know? The love of her life died and she wasn't even there to hold him in her arms when it happened."

Ashlyn nodded, glad at least that she'd gotten to see her dad in the end, even if she was Summer when that had happened. She tried to take a deep breath as Topher ran his fingers along her back in a comforting up and down motion, Ashlyn bursting out into tears when she saw her mother and her mother burst out into tears too. For a moment Topher felt awkward as the group hug ensued, but soon Mrs. Groves was pulling him in too, and they all settled down to talk a bit. The Groves knew that their time with Ashlyn right now was limited, so they were drinking in the moment while they could, asking her all sorts of things that she seemed to have some kind of answer to.

They started telling her about what had been happening with them and it turned out that Jenna was probably getting engaged sometime soon. She was certain it was going to happen during the parade, but their father had died and so her boyfriend, Ben, was going to wait and Ashlyn thought that that was a really good thing and just snuggled up with her mother and her sister. Seeing her family just hurt Ashlyn so much more though and after spending an hour and a half there, she told them that Topher needed to take her back for a treatment. Her mother and her sister knew not to ask about the secret she had been keeping from Topher and Topher noticed that they didn't tell Ashlyn about Remy and he didn't really understand why that was.

Then again, Ashlyn hadn't even asked about Remy yet.

Everything that happened there—the whole ordeal—had been too painful for Ashlyn and she hadn't asked once about it, but when they got back to the Dollhouse she went to Topher's room and sat on the mattress, twiddling her thumbs as Topher sat down next to her. He really didn't want to put her back on the wedge but he knew he would have to at some point because Adelle kept making it perfectly clear to him that that was in fact his job. More than anything, Topher hated that his job was to make his girlfriend not in fact his girlfriend.

"How was Remy's funeral?" Ashlyn asked Topher suddenly, catching him off guard. "I will never forgive myself for not going to it, I just…I couldn't, for more reasons than that I was an Active."

Topher took a deep breath. "I didn't go to Remy's funeral."

The look on Ashlyn's face as she whirled on him made Topher jump a little bit because there was so much pain and anger there. Remy had been her best friend and Topher realized that he really needed to reword what he had just said because it sounded like he hadn't cared enough to even attend and _that_ was not going to go over well with Ashlyn. Still, as Topher opened up his mouth to speak, he was cut off by Ashlyn because she was speaking first and she was appalled.

"How could you not go to her funeral?!" she asked him.

Topher looked her in the eye. "Because she didn't have one…"

**Note: What a cliffhanger, huh? Next chapter really soon, and hopefully one right after that too. I need to get up a couple of Brooke/Dean story chapters and I really need to get up an A-Team chapter too, so hopefully I can get that all done given I now work at 6am every day I work so I have like almost 2 hours in the morning before the kids get up (I'm a nanny) to get writing and homework out of the way. Feedback is always appreciated!**


	6. Secrets and Re-Negotiating

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**This whole story is pretty much dedicated to princessjames21.**

**Okay, here is the next chapter and I think that you will all really love learning about a bunch of the secrets being kept…but that doesn't mean that the characters will tell each other about them necessarily. This **_**also**_** ends with a cliffhanger.**

**WARNINGS: Language, Dark Themes, Sex, Violence, Blood**

**ENJOY!**

xxxx

**Ashlyn and Topher – 2007**

"Think of them more like actual children," Ashlyn told Topher as he kissed her nose.

Topher nodded and kissed her chin. "How does that help?"

"It explains all of the crazy things that happen that 'shouldn't'," Ashlyn responded with quote fingers.

Laughing, Topher nodded and kissed Ashlyn's lips lovingly, both of them snuggled up under the sheets of his mattress, naked flesh to naked flesh. Sometimes after some spontaneous sex, the two would just lie there and nuzzle and cuddle and talk about all sorts of work related things while showing each other all of the affection that they could muster for each other. Right now, Ashlyn was explaining to Topher about her theory on the childlike states of the Actives and Topher was more interested in his girlfriend than in his work.

They didn't even have sex all that often even though they still joked about it quite regularly. Ashlyn had a job at the hospital and Topher spent the majority of his time in the Dollhouse, and a lot of the time they shared meals or she would stay over and sometimes when she stayed in the Dollhouse overnight they simply held each other and slept. This time, though, the two had let out some pent up sexual tension and instead of trying to utilize their time to try to go again, Ashlyn was talking about the Actives.

"See, when we're children, we know at some point that we have to grow up—two is the 'beginning of the end'," Ashlyn quoted.

Topher pulled back and rolled his eyes before looking into hers. "Baby, you can't quote _Peter Pan_ to me just because you want to."

"I can when it has merit," Ashlyn replied as she tapped him in the nose gently with her finger. "There are adults walking around this place in a state of innocence. That state of innocence is disrupted by violent and sexual engagements sometimes and you know what that does? Adds to muscle memory—body memory if you will."

"Yes, your body memory theory," Topher said as he rested his body against hers, smiling as she slipped her fingers into his hair automatically and ran her fingers through it. "No matter how many memory wipes they have, you think that their bodies can remember and I am not disagreeing with you. I just think that without memories, their bodies don't have much to react to in that capacity."

Ashlyn nodded and chewed on her lip in thought. "You're right about that, but that doesn't mean that during engagements they might not feel close to someone they shouldn't—I refer you to grouping."

"I will give you grouping," Topher agreed smiling as he stroked her hair and her skin gently as they just lay there and talked, skin on skin. "I also think you have a point about all of these incidents and the childlike state."

"Eventually we all want to learn." Ashlyn shrugged and kissed Topher lovingly. "Even in a state of innocence, a routine begins to make us curious about how to vary it. Children are curious by nature and they want to know more—the Actives must feel the same way. They do all of these things and yet…they just have to want more and when they realize that they do want to know a bit more, that's where we get problems, memory wipes or not."

Topher grinned and kissed Ashlyn. "Have I mentioned to you just how much I love that you refer to this as 'we'?"

Ashlyn smiled at that and kissed Topher again, loving that he loved that she liked thinking of his life as hers too and then they both pulled apart when Adelle walked in. She sighed and turned to head straight back out, Ashlyn and Topher blushing and making sure they were covered even though Adelle clearly was not going to be staying. Timing didn't seem to be her strong suit with the love birds and even though she needed Topher, she wasn't about to stay when they were so clearly indisposed.

"Topher, I need you in your office ASAP," Adelle said shaking her head and heading down the hallway. "By all means, Ashlyn can help but you need to both be dressed yesterday."

Topher called to her that they'd be there in a moment and then made a face at Ashlyn. "You're a giggle box and it isn't helpful."

"Adelle _always_ shows up when we have sex here," Ashlyn laughed, kissing Topher tenderly. "Don't look so surprised about it. Besides…you love it when I giggle."

"You caught me," Topher said getting up. "You owe me though."

"I will owe you whatever you want, Mr. Brink, if you get dressed slowly and let me watch…"

"You are a very naughty individual and I will do as you wish."

"Of course you will—I'm a very powerful woman."

"Actually, I just know it'll make you smile and your smile is the best part of my day."

Ashlyn beamed and blushed a little, nodding. "Just for that I'm staying over tonight because I just want to be in your arms."

xx

**Dollhouse – 2009**

Topher was actually at a loss for words as he tried to figure out what it was that he was going to say to her…this wasn't something he could fumble over. Ashlyn deserved to know that her best friend wasn't actually dead, but telling her that meant admitting that all this time she had been alive and he hadn't ever bothered to put her back into her own body to tell her that because he was so mad that she had become a doll in the first place. It was hard enough explaining to her everything that had been happening but to add on that Remy was in fact alive?

"Topher…" Ashlyn said sternly.

Nodding, Topher opened his mouth, but Adelle had come down and he knew that whatever he was going to say to her really had to wait. If Adelle meant business, then it was important that he let her say her piece even though Ashlyn was looking at him with a look he had never seen before and he didn't want to lose her. He wanted her to know and he wanted to help her through it because Colin had taken over a _lot_ since Ashlyn had become an Active and Ashlyn needed to know if she was going to get her old life back.

"I need to speak with Ashlyn in my office," Adelle explained, "right now. You too, Topher…"

Topher nodded gently. "I have something to check on but then I'll meet you there."

Ashlyn opened up her mouth to say something, but she saw that look on Adelle's face and nodded, getting up and following Adelle to her office. For a moment, Topher just wanted to curl up into a ball and forget that any of this was happening, but sooner or later he and Ashlyn had to have it all out and the sooner the better as far as he was concerned. The two of them had a lot to discuss and since he wasn't the only one keeping secrets, it was going to be one Hell of a chat when it all happened—Ashlyn knew that too.

Even though she was going to talk to Adelle and she was probably going to become an Active again and soon but she had to talk to Topher. They were keeping so much from each other and it wasn't like them and Ashlyn wanted to get back on track because she and Topher used to tell each other everything even when it was bad. Ashlyn wanted the playful times back with joking and snuggling and talking about the brain and when she saw Boyd there in the office too, she was pulled out of her thoughts and suddenly worried. They weren't going to try and put her in the Attic were they?

"I assume that you and Mr. Brink arguing is about why you came here?" Boyd asked Ashlyn before she even settled down into a seat.

Ashlyn blinked and looked at him. "Topher and I are still keeping the same things from each other, I'm sure. He doesn't know I tried to commit suicide before I came to Adelle and I don't know whatever it is that he is hiding from me."

"That's probably for the best," Adelle announced pouring them all some tea. "I, however, brought you here to re-negotiate your contract and to ask you some questions."

"Um…what?" Ashlyn asked Adelle slowly. "Re-negotiate?"

"It's been brought to our attention that you know a lot about the human brain—you were originally going to become a neurosurgeon but then you settled for a nurse," Boyd told her.

Ashlyn nodded and opened her mouth to say something but then closed it because Topher had just walked in and she didn't know what to say. Boyd seemed to know a lot about her and while that was all well and good as she was an Active now, she had a feeling that this whole thing was being set up because of something so much more than that. So, instead she picked her words carefully and thanked Adelle for the tea before she set in.

"Topher touched a little on me 'malfunctioning'," Ashlyn said using her fingers as air quotes.

Adelle smiled at that. "I do not believe that you are malfunctioning. I think that you understand what's happening to you more than we do."

"Its body over mind," Topher cut in as Ashlyn started to say something.

"Yes," Ashlyn agreed with a nod. "I've had theories about the Actives for a long time now. There is a great deal of merit in muscle memory, but I think it runs deeper than that. When people have amnesia, sometimes they do things they used to do because their _bodies_ remember doing it and after being imprinting so many times, the body has to be remembering some things on their own, right? Because there's no recollection of the actual events, just body responses. With my father, my imprint had a dad, right? Knew how a dad looked at his daughter…understood love. So, my body felt a kinship, but it doesn't mean that I necessarily remembered…I'm not Attic bound, am I?"

"Of course not," Adelle said smiling. "What I want, is to know if you feel up to returning to the real world just yet."

Ashlyn paused a moment. "Is that up to me?"

"It could be…" Adelle answered nodding.

xx

**Topher and Jenna – 2007**

When Ashlyn had basically forced Topher to admit her to the Dollhouse, Jenna had been beside herself missing her sister. Topher, as Jenna's surrogate big brother, started to spend a lot of time with her and had told her all about his plan to revive Remy. Remy would never fill the space that Ashlyn had left, but since the three were really close, Jenna would take it and she trusted Topher because Topher was a programmer and knew a lot like the brain like Ashlyn had—maybe he had no business with people, but Jenna was desperate.

She thought that Topher's plan had a lot of merit and so one day she invited him over while her mother was at work and gave him the chai tea that she had made. Jenna hated coffee—the taste, the smell—so she got her caffeine from chai and she had to admit that she brewed coffee from time to time just to remind her of her sister. She used to yell at Ashlyn about it and sometimes Ashlyn would breath in her face on purpose in normal sister fashion just to annoy her with her coffee breath, but Jenna missed even that…she missed _all_ of the small things.

"I hate that Ash is in rehab," Jenna told Topher and then sighed a little bit. "I guess she really needed to go though, after everything."

Topher shifted uncomfortably. "Losing Remy was hard on her."

"It was hard on all of us," Jenna responded and then swallowed. "It hit her so damn hard…"

There was more that Jenna wanted to say that involved Topher, but it wasn't her place and she had made her sister a promise. It was a promise that Jenna had never wanted to keep—two promises actually—but as it wasn't really life or death at the moment since Ashlyn was seeking help, Jenna knew to just not tell him. Eventually Ashlyn would tell him because it was eating away at her what had happened, but until that day Jenna would just pretend that it was only because of Remy…not because of the suicide attempt or the surprising news that got squandered the day after.

"So, what was this complication?" Jenna asked Topher, trying to change the subject. "You know, with waking Remy up?"

Topher took a deep breath. "There's a chance that she's going to be paralyzed."

"Paralyzed is better than dead," Jenna said with a nod. "I say you get Rossum to do it."

"You don't think that Remy's parents will veto it?" Topher asked slowly. "They were really making peace with losing her."

"They thought that there was nothing else to do and they were wrong." Jenna answered with a smile. "They gave you a week to change their minds and I like this. It's like…a jump start?"

Topher smiled a little bit. "That's what Ashlyn probably would have called it too."

"Well," Jenna said as she playfully rustled her hair, "we are sisters."

Topher couldn't help but laugh as she grinned, and then he nodded because he was feeling a bit better about his choice here to go through with this. Being able to work on Actives on a daily basis was helping him, not to mention that dealing with the brain made him feel closer to Ashlyn without having to be around Summer. A lot of the time he took this time to spend with Jenna just because it meant that he got to be away from the Dollhouse when Summer didn't have any engagements lined up.

"You will always be my pseudo big brother," Jenna told Topher as she hugged him. "When Ashlyn gets through this, you had better marry her, I swear to God."

Topher went red in the face. "Marry her? Really? Did you just say that to me?"

"Yeah, because I know you guys love each other and someday I want overly smart and obnoxious nieces and nephews," Jenna joked, but deep down she knew that what she really wanted was for Ashlyn to know she still had a future.

Especially since she probably believed that it was all her fault she might never have another baby…

xx

**Ashlyn – 2009**

Ashlyn had told Adelle that she had to think about it because the real world meant talking to Topher and that might mean her being more emotionally crippled. She didn't know what he was hiding from her and she knew that what she had to say would affect him more emotionally than he knew right now and living again meant living without Remy. Without calling Remy, without talking to Remy, without seeing Remy…Ashlyn wasn't sure she was ready for that. Would she ever be ready to face the world knowing that her best friend was dead? Probably not.

Then again, Topher had found a way.

He had lost a friend really dear to him and he got to bring her back every birthday but Ashlyn couldn't do that—Remy's personality wasn't on file. Besides, Remy would hate her for doing that to her because even though she'd used a doll a grand total of two times, she wasn't on board with it and she'd definitely made her peace with it all. The engagements she had had were emotionally crippling because it was perfect and then it was over and she got attached easy.

Besides, Remy had said on more than one occasion that it was like prostitution whether they signed up for it or not and while it had been the same doll, it was wrong. She and Ashlyn had a lot of really low moments where they made hasty and terrible choices and Ashlyn knew that deep down Remy was a good person and knew she'd never do it again and would never want to force her personality onto someone else. So, Ashlyn would have to deal with having her be gone and she wasn't ready for that.

Topher had wanted to talk to her, but Ashlyn had made it out of the Dollhouse before he could ask her to stay and he had things to do and Actives to program. Here and now Ashlyn had the choice to get to re-negotiate her contract and she didn't even know if she wanted to do that because she almost _liked _being a doll. She could be programmed with all sorts of cool knowledge and help people and maybe…maybe she could be her and just get upgrades? That would be almost cool.

Sighing a little bit to herself, Ashlyn pulled Topher's jacket around her and breathed in nice and deep involuntarily. His coat had been the closest and so she'd grabbed it and pulled it on and the damn thing smelled like him and that just made her irrationably angry for a moment and then it made tears come to her eyes because she missed that…Topher's smell. He was her perfect match in every way and she was keeping two terribly important things from him.

She could still feel all of that blood rushing out of her, warm and wet, and hearing that doctor tell her those surprising words only to have everything ripped away from her less than twenty four hours later. All of that on top of Remy scheduled to be taken off of life support and Ashlyn had to come to Adelle—she had felt as though she just didn't have a choice in the matter and then Topher had said he would hate her and…no. If Topher had let her be an Active for a whole year and a half almost, then were they even still dating?

Just the thought of the fact that Topher could find another girl made Ashlyn's whole chest tighten up in pain and her mouth went dry. The idea of someone else stroking his hair and kissing him and God forbid sleeping with him made her blood boil and she knew she had no right to still lay a claim on him, but would never not think of him as hers and her as his. They weren't possessions and they argued about people shouldn't claim each other, but they were only human and it was something that happened and the jealously was flaring up inside of her.

That's when she heard the shutter.

Ashlyn and Remy had been camera buffs and they were always taking pictures and having fun and that was distinctly an expensive camera. It had a lens and it looked manual instead of automatic, but it wasn't the camera itself that made Ashlyn freeze and her whole body twist in pain and happiness. The woman behind it was beautiful and she looked pained too, but part of her was happy underneath that disappointed expression and her eyes said it all—Ashlyn was still loved by that woman, but Ashlyn had a lot of explaining to do and the woman was upset and neither knew what to say.

It was Remy Ferris…and she was in a wheelchair…

**Note: REMY! Also, what in the world are Adelle and Boyd plotting right now? I am working on the next chapter of this and the next chapter of this and the next chapter of "By your Side" right now, so expect them hopefully tomorrow night. Feedback is always appreciated!**


	7. The Bitter and Plotting

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Dedicated to princessjames21.**

**This chapter has a **_**lot**_** in it, including a bit of a time jump and I think that you will enjoy what's about to happen right now. A lot of arguing and cuteness in this one, as well as a lot of character interaction.**

**WARNINGS: Language, Dark Themes, Sex, Violence, Blood**

**ENJOY!**

xxxx

**Ashlyn and Remy – 2009**

For a moment the two women seemed to be at a standstill because Ashlyn couldn't believe that Remy was there—thought that she was imagining her—and Remy didn't think that Ashlyn was Ashlyn. Topher had told Remy about what Ashlyn had done and so she just assumed that this was an engagement but then…where was the client? Surely a doll wouldn't be running about on her own unless something was wrong, but maybe it was all part of the game. Perhaps someone was authenticating a back story that could be implemented later on and someone would come offer Ashlyn a treatment any minute.

"Remy?" Ashlyn asked, finding her words.

It was Remy's turn to be astonished now because this _had_ to be Ashlyn—she knew Remy's name. That meant that Ashlyn was on the run with her own personality intact and that meant that this entire situation simply reeked of Topher Brink and Remy suddenly didn't know what to do. Putting the lens cap back onto her camera, she let it hang around her neck by its strap and wheeled herself over to Ashlyn, who looked down at her friend with her eyes brimming over in tears.

For a minute Remy was blurry to her, but blinking and letting a couple of large, salty tears slide down her cheeks helped her to get the crisp image of her best friend back. She wondered if her mother and her sister knew about this and of course they did! Hell, Colin probably even knew and yet no one had told Ashlyn because she needed to focus on her treatment and had she known she would have come running back…at least under normal circumstance. Unfortunately, Ashlyn's body belonged to the LA Dollhouse and both she and Remy knew that.

No matter what Ashlyn wanted to do right now, she had to return to the Dollhouse and she had to let Topher put her back on the wedge and she didn't want to. If Remy was alive then there was no need to go through all of this alone and Remy was in a wheelchair! Remy needed her best friend to be there for her through that and she wished that she _had_ been there this last year and a half, but she hadn't been…Remy had to _hate_ her. She didn't, but Remy _was_ rather upset about not being able to have Ashlyn around when she needed her most—when she woke up and couldn't walk.

"How…? I thought that your parents were taking you off of life support…" Ashlyn began shaking her head, not able to process this like she thought she should have been able to.

Remy nodded gently. "They were going to do that, but Topher convinced them not to—showed them some kind of Rossum developmental treatment and they were willing to take the risk. It was also too late for you because you'd already signed over your soul to them, Ash. You let them take advantage of you and now…what are you even doing?"

"I…Topher…" Ashlyn began and then she stopped and shook her head again because honestly she was rather bewildered.

Remy nodded gently and repeated her question. "What are you even doing?"

"Topher put me back in my body and then I was accosted with questions and I was here to think things over. Look around, maybe watch some kids on the playground," Ashlyn offered with a gentle shrug.

"Just watching kids on the playground makes you look like a creeper," Remy joked, but she wasn't really smiling…she was still upset.

Topher had known that there was a risk and her parents had as well, but having her alive was more important to them than having her dead. Colin and Jenna tried countless times to try and console her, but Remy knew what they didn't about where Ashlyn was and only wanted her best friend because the unthinkable side effect had occurred…she was paralyzed from the waist down. She was never going to be able to walk again because of some miracle cure and it bothered her so much that she was bitter about it and seeing Ashlyn as Ashlyn and not her Active or some other personality was just making her more upset.

She knew that Ashlyn was really only just finding out and having to take it all in, but that didn't make her any less bitter about it all. All that Remy had wanted when she woke up was her best friend and instead she'd gotten Topher and he was by no means a replacement for Ashlyn so even with Jenna and Colin by Remy's side, she never felt whole. Now here Ashlyn was and Remy didn't know what to do, but what she _did_ know was that Ashlyn was going to need to get back to the Dollhouse because for all intents and purposes they owned her and she couldn't stay here.

"I have to be getting back before Colin thinks I've off and rolled into a ditch…literally," Remy said abruptly as Ashlyn reached out to touch her hair, Remy pulling back and then wheeling the wheelchair back as well. "I'll see you in three years, Ash."

Ashlyn nodded, hurt and yet guilty. "Hopefully I'll see you before then."

"I doubt it," Remy told her, her heart breaking as she rolled away without looking back.

"I'll find a way," Ashlyn promised gently.

xx

**Ashlyn and Remy – 2005**

"I would rather live without my legs than live without my eyes," Ashlyn mused as she and Remy sat in a bar talking some things over. "I mean, wheelchairs seem fun and at least I can still see things like rainbows and puppies and babies."

Remy laughed warmly and nodded a little bit. "Yeah, I can see that—you do love puppies and babies."

"You know what I love more than puppies and babies?" Ashlyn asked Remy wiggling her eyebrows.

"Well, it's not sex because you haven't had any…" Remy teased and laughed when Ashlyn punched her in the arm. "What do you love more than puppies and babies?"

"Well, not you now," Ashlyn said sticking her tongue out at her and laughing when Remy faked being shocked and offended. "Liam Neeson."

Remy laughed loudly and nodded. "I want to be offended that you love him more than me, but I can't because he's Liam Neeson. Liam's no Bruce Willis though."

"I will drink to that," Ashlyn laughed nodding.

She and Remy clinked glasses and looked around the bar, scoping out potential prospects even though they both knew that they were going home with each other. It was just that they had wanted to come and be in the atmosphere and Ashlyn wasn't even drinking alcohol…she had a Shirley Temple because she wanted her wits about her. If she got hit on by any strange, drunk men, she wanted to remember it and laugh about it with Remy later. Then again, they were at that point where they might start to try to just make stories of their own somehow.

The two of them liked to sometimes dare each other to hit on guys in nice, awkward ways, courtesy of Drama Club in High School they were fairly good at it. That was when Ashlyn actually first met Paul Ballard, smiling at him as he talked with one of his partners and not wanting to go through with the dare because he had a badge. She didn't want him to think that she was a prostitute or anything, but Remy and she had made a pact and that meant that she couldn't just back out even if she was terrified. So, sitting down next to him at the bar she smiled awkwardly.

"My friend says I can't back out of hitting on you," Ashlyn began nodding. "I don't have a better pick-up line. I thought of several on my way over here, but they all sounded really stupid and I don't understand how men get away with them."

Paul nodded and looked at her. "I think it's the delivery more than the line."

"That or a genuine feeling of desperation…maybe of respect," Ashlyn mused smiling.

"Respect?" Paul asked a little miffed. "How can you respect a guy that's clearly only using a line on you to get under your skirt?"

Ashlyn shrugged a little bit. "He has to have some balls to risk it all to say something as stupid as, 'did it hurt when you fell from Heaven'?"

"'Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day',"

"'Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants',"

"That one is the absolute worst,"

The two smiled and laughed and then Paul and Ashlyn both looked over at Remy and waved, Remy grinning and giving them a big thumbs up. She was busy with the guy that had claimed Ashlyn's seat when she had vacated to go through with the dare and Remy was secretly enjoying this _way_ too much because this guy was just awful. He kept breathing too close to her and she could smell the whiskey on his breath, but it was flattering nonetheless to get hit on whether the man was drunk, sober, or following through with a dare like Ashlyn and Remy did sometimes.

"I've got five minutes to kill if you want to stay and talk," Paul told Ashlyn with a smile.

Ashlyn nodded gently. "Yeah, sure…that works for me. I'm Ashlyn Groves."

"Paul Ballard."

xx

**Dollhouse – 2009**

"You son of a bitch!" Ashlyn exclaimed when she got back to the Dollhouse.

Boyd was with Echo and Adelle was in her office, Topher and Ivy working on an imprint when she stormed into his office. She took his coat off and threw it haphazardly, not wanting to have anything to do with it right now and Topher just kind of sat there frozen while Ivy stiffened up and wondered what to do. Should she leave? Should she just stay there and pretend like she couldn't hear what was happening and just continue to work. All she knew was that she was about to be in the middle of a lover's quarrel and Ashlyn was starting to tear up and she was angry…she was _very_ angry.

"I am in the middle of—" Topher tried quickly.

"—you brought her back and she's _paralyzed_! Even better than that, was that you didn't tell me, Topher! NOT A SINGLE PEEP!" Ashlyn thundered, shaking her head. "You lied to me! You brought me back into my own body and didn't say a damn thing about Remy even though she's a part of the reason why I'M A DOLL NOW IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

Topher made a face at her. "She's the ENTIRE reason you did it!"

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHY I DID THIS!" Ashlyn retorted and Ivy stood up.

"You two need to talk, I'm just going to…go…" Ivy tried but stopped when Ashlyn shook her head.

Ashlyn took a breath and spoke calmly to Ivy. "Topher and I are going to go and argue in his room and you can continue, this is important. I'm sorry, I'm just GENUINELY PISSED OFF!"

The last bit was thrown directly at Topher and he just nodded and followed her into his room, running his fingers through her hair. He had wanted _so badly_ for her not to find out until after he had been able to tell her and prepare her for it, but she had seen Remy and that meant that she had seen that Remy was in a wheelchair and more importantly than that, it meant that she had _spoken_ to Remy. Otherwise, Ashlyn wouldn't know that it was Topher that had done it because just seeing Remy would have made her just think that Remy was alive.

Still, he knew she would be more pissed off that he didn't tell her then she would be that he had done it in the first place. Topher knew that Remy was one of the biggest parts of Ashlyn's life and he also knew that Remy didn't approve of Ashlyn being an Active and was probably mad at him for not telling Ashlyn about it all sooner. Then again, Remy knew about the Active's contracts and she hadn't been expecting to see Ashlyn until around 2012 and here they were, reunited early and Topher was probably in the dog house with both of them.

"She is paralyzed…" Ashlyn said trailing off.

Topher nodded gently. "Yeah—I tried really hard not to let that be the case but I just…yeah, she's paralyzed."

"How _dare_ you not tell me?" Ashlyn asked him. "She was supposed to be taken off of life support and while I am _thrilled_ that she wasn't, you never told me that! You brought me back to sign papers to go out on a mission where my father was shot!"

"I couldn't have foreseen that!"

"I'm not blaming you for my father dying!"

"No?"

Ashlyn shook her head. "No…I'm not. I'm just beyond pissed off that you didn't tell me that my best friend was alive. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't have the words," Topher admitted slowly.

Nodding, they both sat down on the mattress and Topher reached over to rub Ashlyn's back as she started to cry, putting her head into her hands. There was so much that she wanted to tell him and yet she knew it would hurt him and he had known this would hurt her and he had wanted to say it perfectly—and hadn't gotten a chance. Everything she'd put him through this last year and a half was far worse and she knew it, so how could she even be mad?

"I tried to kill myself…" Ashlyn told Topher, looking at him. "Jenna swore to me that she wouldn't tell you when I was in the hospital because I wasn't going to try again. This…this was my answer."

Topher paused a moment, pain etched into every feature. "You…baby…"

"I just couldn't live with it all and so I was done," Ashlyn explained shaking her head. "I was sad and I felt alone and I felt responsible—"

"—none of this was your fault; you couldn't have seen any of it coming."

"Doesn't mean I'm innocent…"

Both of them paused for a moment as Topher let the words sink in and it made him more curious for a moment as to what she meant. They both knew that there had been secrets they were keeping from each other and watching Ashlyn tear up always ripped his heart to pieces and he pulled her close to him, kissing her temple and stroking her hair, honestly and truly never wanting to ever let her go again as they just sat there. Things used to be happy and fun and then everything had come crashing down around them and neither of them felt very happy right now, even if part of them felt better being close to each other.

"You weren't alone and you'll never be alone," Topher promised her.

Ashlyn nodded into his chest. "I know, I was just…moment of weakness."

"I can't live with you dead," Topher whispered to Ashlyn, pulling back and looking at her. "I don't ever want to—this is better. As much as it kills me to make you different personalities, this is better than you being dead."

"This contract renegotiation…they still own me, right?" Ashlyn asked Topher gently.

"Yeah," Topher replied nodding. "They would still wipe you when they needed to."

Ashlyn took a deep breath. "I don't want to become an Active again, Toph…"

"Then," Topher told her gently, "we have our work cut out for us."

**Note: WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO?! Also, poor Remy, she just needs her best friend. What could possibly happen next? Feedback is always appreciated!**


	8. Unforseen Complications

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Dedicated to princessjames21, whom I adore.**

**This chapter focuses a lot on deception, has a cliffhanger and I think that you'll enjoy the Topher/Ashlyn moments as much as me and yes, Paul is in this chapter and yes, he is just as much a problem for Ashlyn as the Dollhouse soon…**

**WARNINGS: Language, Dark Themes, Sex, Violence, Blood**

**ENJOY!**

xxxx

**Ashlyn and Topher – 2009 **

"Did I fall asleep?" Ashlyn asked gently, emotionless.

Topher nodded. "For a little while…"

"Shall I go now?" Ashlyn asked, still emotionless.

"If you like," Topher replied with a grin on his face.

"If you don't tone the smile down, we can't pull this off," Ashlyn said smiling a little bit. "This means I'm going to have to sleep in that pod…I don't like this. What if I just go to Adelle and ask if they can use me as an asset instead of an Active?"

She and Topher had been trying to figure out how to do this for the last hour or two and Ashlyn was going to need to be Summer soon. That meant being with the other Actives and being calm and innocent and at first Ashlyn was more than on board with it, but she had since in the last couple of hours thought against it. It was easy to think about it and she and Topher both wanted this to work, but they couldn't, could they? She had engagements lined up Adelle wouldn't let her out of and Topher had been informed that he might have to wipe her from time to time.

Ashlyn had had a different idea and Topher thought it had some merit, but he'd never done it before and didn't want to use Ashlyn as his guinea pig. He loved her too much to potentially damage her even though he had her backed up on her wedge and would back her up as much as he needed to so he wouldn't actually lose her…ever. Still, he thought that if she went to Adelle with it, then maybe Adelle would like the idea and let her out of her contract since Adelle had always somewhat cared for Topher and what Topher wanted as long as it didn't destroy the House.

"If you tell Adelle, she will make me test out your theory," Topher told her slowly. "I don't want to do that to you…there are other Actives I can test it out on."

Ashlyn shook her head. "No you can't do that."

"Why can't I?" Topher countered her.

"Because they're Actives and I'm a whole personality with memories," Ashlyn replied with a gentle shrug. "So you have to use me in order to test it out."

"I'm not testing out anything on you," Topher responded firmly, sighing when Ashlyn got out of the chair and walked up to him. "Don't give me the puppy dig eyes—I refuse to care about them."

Ashlyn laughed a little bit and rolled up onto the balls of her feet, pressing her lips to Topher's, and he responded almost immediately. He knew that he wasn't supposed to, but she was here and she wanted to be with him and they'd been honest and even though she was still hiding part of the story, Topher didn't know that and he wanted Ashlyn close to him. So he kissed her passionately and groaned when she pulled back and then put her hands on his shirt and looked at his chest before looking him in the eye one more time.

"Just test me just the one time…" Ashlyn pleaded with him. "Just the one time."

Topher sighed loudly. "Fine, just the one time."

"Good, I'm glad the puppy dog eyes worked," Ashlyn teased, kissing him swiftly and then getting back into the chair. "Just give me one skill…just one."

"It was the kissing that did me in," Topher replied as he went to his computer. "Just one skill it is."

Ashlyn smiled a little bit. "The kiss, huh? Then I'm going to have to kiss you a lot more often—you should really cash in on those romantic engagements you can get out of me."

"I would rather not," Topher admitted shaking his head.

When Ashlyn looked over at him, Topher felt like maybe he had hurt her feelings and he had a little bit, but only because she didn't understand why he didn't want to do that with her. Sure, she was technically a doll now, but that didn't mean that she wasn't her as she had her personality intact and Topher knew that, it was just the principle of the matter. Then again, Ashlyn's mind was focused elsewhere and Topher knew that he was going to have to correct this because he had her worrying for no good reason right now.

Ashlyn was thinking that Topher had perhaps found someone else to be with in all this time and maybe she was his dirty little secret. Then she had chastised herself about it because underneath the amoral attitude, Topher was a pretty good guy and he would never cheat on a new girlfriend with a doll…in fact he would never see _her_ as just a doll. Maybe that was vain of her, but their love wasn't just something that Topher would or could throw away and so instead she just looked away from him and got comfortable in the chair and that broke Topher's heart.

"I don't want to pay out the ass to have sex with my girlfriend," Topher explained shrugging. "As much as I would love to just go at you, there are rules and regulations set in place for every romantic engagement."

Ashlyn nodded gently as the words sank in. "So I'd be like some high end prostitute, basically?"

"Yeah, basically," Topher responded shaking his head. "I don't think of you like that and I'm sure as Hell not going to _treat _you like that. I'm going to give you some Kung Fu and you can do with it what you please. Just don't kill anyone because Actives don't do that. They are calm. At peace. They are—"

"—they're whatever you tell them to be," Ashlyn responded with a gentle laugh that Topher had been missing all this time.

"That's very true," Topher said and then he got a serious look on his face. "This is going to hurt...not being an actual Active, you'll remember the pain too."

Ashlyn nodded at that and looked over at him. "I can handle a headache, Toph. I've been through far worse than that…"

xx

**Remy – 2009**

Colin had been waiting for Remy to get home and when she did, she just growled and wheeled into the living room. He closed up the newspaper and ran his fingers through his hair, knowing by the look on her face that he was about to get an earful and he knew that he didn't even deserve it, but Remy got the benefit of the doubt a _lot_. While he had genuine feelings for her, Colin knew that Remy was bitter about her legs and that she would _always_ be bitter about her legs, so he let her yell and rant and even be alone when she asked for it.

At the same time, Colin pushed her.

He had wanted to be a part of her life before the accident had happened and when Remy had been brought back to him, he sore never to leave her. All he wanted was for her to understand that this last year and a half had indentured him to her but not because he pitied her or any of that—no, Colin _loved_ her and just wanted her to know that. Even in a wheelchair, Remy was spontaneous and full of life and she loved with this large heart that no one could really see if they just looked at the girl in the wheelchair.

Remy put others above herself even though sometimes she was a bit selfish, but she was human and it wasn't like the wheelchair had taken away who she was. Yeah, she had days where she was so depressed that she couldn't even look at herself or anyone else, but she loved Colin too and she was strong for her family and for Jenna and Jenna's parents…she was strong because Ashlyn would have wanted her to be. The problem, was that Remy couldn't even tell Colin how she felt because she was so guarded that she couldn't see straight.

Ashlyn knew that she had ruined all of this for Remy and was trying to figure out how to make it up to her despite her charade with Topher, and Remy did blame Ashlyn a little bit. She was so guarded with others—especially where love was concerned—because the one person that had always stood by her and taken her as she was had up and become an Active in the Dollhouse when things got tough. Remy's best friend had given up everything, even Remy, because she hadn't been strong enough herself to deal with any of it and even though Remy understood it, she was _furious_ about it.

"I saw Ashlyn," Remy said angrily, setting her camera down.

Colin's eyes widened. "Wait, what? I thought that she was in rehab…"

"Well she was wandering about trying to collect herself and now she knows I'm alive!" Remy continued, knowing that Colin knew nothing of the Dollhouse really existing. "She was so…she missed me and she was surprised and she was tearful and it wasn't enough!"

"They didn't tell her that you made it? This whole time they just let her stew away when she could have come and been with you?" Colin asked angrily. "I bet you can sue for that."

Remy found herself tearing up out of frustration. "She was my best friend!"

"She's still your best friend, Rem…she didn't know," Colin said shaking his head. "She would have been here the second she knew."

"How can you know that?!" Remy asked him angrily, tears spilling out onto her pale cheeks. "Maybe she doesn't give a shit!"

"You don't believe that," Colin responded as he stood up and came over to her, "you know you don't."

Nodding, Remy let Colin wrap his arms around her and pick her up, even though she hated to be picked up because she could never remove herself when she wanted without the mobility in her legs. Still, she needed to be held right now and Colin knew her well enough to know that even though he would never tell her that out loud—she hated when people told her that they knew her. Besides, he didn't want to upset her when he had her this close to him right now, where he could hold her and protect her as much as he could from the rest of the world.

"I just wanted her to be here!" Remy exclaimed shaking her head. "I just wanted her to be here and be near me! She wasn't!"

Colin nodded and stroked Remy's hair as she cried into his chest and he sat on the couch. "I know, Rem, I know…she didn't have a choice."

"You always have a choice!" Remy exclaimed, sobbing into him.

"Except when you don't…" Colin replied slowly.

xx

**Dollhouse – 2009**

Adelle had a feeling that something was off in her Dollhouse.

Even so, she needed to send Summer off on an engagement and told Topher to take care of it, who got together a folder of information for Ashlyn and handed it to her, noticing that Ashlyn was rubbing her head a little bit. When she noticed that Topher had seen her rubbing her temples, however, she just waved it off like it was nothing and started to recite back to him some of the key elements of this personality that she was supposed to know like her name, age, parents, some background information. It wasn't the same as her actually being imprinted, but it would have to work.

"Topher?" Adelle asked as she came into his office, Ashlyn leaving with her Handler. "Have a moment?"

Topher nodded slowly. "Sure do, Boss. What can I do you for?"

"While I'm aware of your past with Ashlyn, I don't believe it is good for you to be seen spending so much time with Summer the Active," Adelle told him bluntly. "Mr. Langton has suggested that we use her to the extent of her potential and I have to agree with him. While we can't get her out of her contract so early, we can amend it greatly."

"Ashlyn has ideas of her own for that…" Topher explained slowly, but he wasn't elaborating.

The idea of using Ashlyn as a test subject made Topher upset and jittery and he kind of regretted saying what he had said just now too. It was only going to put more ideas into Adelle's head than she already had and then Topher would be asked to carry out whatever crazy scheme they all came up with. He was the programmer and while he had a pretty solid relationship with Boyd, Ivy and Adelle he thought, he was still used for his purpose: programming the dolls.

Sometimes Topher wrestled with that, but not enough to stop what he was doing because he was far too fascinated by the human brain and so was Ashlyn. At first Topher had thought that Ashlyn was going to talk him out of all of this, but she had always pushed him to be better and even helped him to perfect some of his tech. In fact sometimes Topher even gave Ashlyn ideas and he wondered why she had settled to be a nurse when she could have been a surgeon. She had the hands and the love the job to be it, she just had instead wanted to be a nurse.

Admirable, but strange.

Regardless, he knew that Ashlyn had some idea of what it was that she wanted and should he bring it up and Adelle veto it, then they no longer had the upper hand here. Adelle would be aware of what they might try and buckle down on them and right now Topher just wanted a sure way to get Ashlyn back so if that meant bending some rules, then so be it. He smiled at Adelle who looked him over curiously and then she chewed on her lip. She knew that there was something going on, but she didn't know what it was or to what extent it was being played.

"I am in the process of petitioning to give her a staff position, but until then I need my Active and I need her in the best of health." Adelle told Topher firmly. "Anyone who gets in the way of that will have a lot of explaining to do."

Topher nodded because it was a warning not a threat. "Understood, Boss."

"Good…back to work," Adelle said gently.

"Yep," Topher agreed with a nod.

He watched as Adelle walked out of the room and he took a deep breath, wondering how much it was that Adelle actually knew. Her body language had suggested that she was at least onto him but that didn't mean that she knew what it was—still, he had to be careful or he could get Ashlyn sent to the Attic. So, he looked over some of the schematics and decided it was probably best to call Remy and see if there was anything that he could do to get his mind off of things. It was that or he needed to call Jenna and actually, it would be best if he did both of those things.

xx

**Ashlyn, Jenna and Remy – 2006**

Sometimes even though they were clearly adults, Remy and Ashlyn liked to have sleepovers with Jenna and tonight they were all having a _Scream_ marathon. They were some of their favorite movies and sometimes they even cast themselves in movies…picked out the characters that reminded them the most of themselves. Jenna was definitely Sydney, the star of it all that could stand on her own two feet, Remy was the Deputy Dewey all awkward and loyal and then there was Ashlyn, the Gale Weathers of the bunch with her need to be part of the story and her inability to understand the word 'no'.

The three had blankets and pillows out and some junk food, knowing they shouldn't eat too much crap, but also feeling like they couldn't have a sleepover without junk food…it just didn't seem right. So they were curled up with junk food watching _Scream 2_, complaining about how obviously they needed to come up with a list of things you should and shouldn't do if actually finding yourself faced with a life or death 'horror movie' scenario. They were also laughing at the parts they still found funny and talking through the deaths because they'd seen this so many times.

In fact other people didn't want to watch them with them.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. There were people that found that watching these movies with them was an experience, and it was an experience that only the very few found themselves wanting to actually experience. It was fun to watch them dissect the movie piece by piece even though some people wanted to just watch the movie and it was for many of those reasons that the three girls only watched them by themselves. They liked the time they got to spend with each other and it was fun to just pig out and complain about horror movies that weren't really horror movies—if anything _Scream _wasn't even that scary to them.

Even Topher didn't watch the movies with them because other than just not having the interest to do so, he always rolled his eyes at them talking through everything. He also thought it was kind of entertaining and obnoxious all at once to listen to them call the characters by each other's names and not by their character names. Sometimes he was in the mood for it and sometimes he would just rather be at the Dollhouse programming Actives and making sure that Ivy was doing what it was that she was supposed to be doing for him.

"I might have to veto your boyfriend for hating these movies," Remy teased Ashlyn as a Sydney scene came on the TV.

Ashlyn rolled her eyes at that. "He doesn't hate these movies—he hates watching them with _us_."

"Which is understandable on so many levels," Jenna laughed, shrugging her shoulders. "I mean we all have to admit that when it comes to these, we get obnoxious."

"We get so obnoxious it's unreal," Remy agreed with a nod, looking at Ashlyn. "You really like him though, don't you?"

"I think he's a catch," Jenna put in as she looked at Ashlyn too.

Ashlyn smiled at them and took a sip of her juice. "I really like Topher…he's kind of my perfect match as cheesy as that sounds. We talk about a lot of different things and we have similar interests and he's so smart I just want to rip my clothes off when he talks about things sometimes."

"You have always wanted a nerd," Jenna laughed loudly.

The three erupted into giggles because it was true: Ashlyn had always been attracted to men that could talk science and Topher was passionate about science. They even had lists of things they looked for in men and a list of deal breakers both good and bad, Remy wanting Ashlyn to set her up with someone because if Topher had any friends, Remy wanted in on that. As it was though, Topher spent pretty much all of his time in the Dollhouse—he even lived there—and so there wasn't much Ashlyn could do on that front but she still had her job…her job where she had met Colin, so it all worked out in the end.

xx

**Paul and Ashlyn – 2009**

The engagement that Ashlyn had to undertake was easy enough, but her head hurt so desperately that she didn't know if she was going to be able to make it all the way through without her Handler realizing that something was wrong with her. Honestly, the last thing that she needed was for Jared to think that something was wrong enough that he told Adelle and Dominic and then she was questioned about what was going on with her. So, she tried to suck it up and read to some of the children, talking to the woman that ran the Orphanage, and looking at the little boy she was supposed to be helping.

To make matters worse though, Ashlyn saw a face that she recognized and went to try and hide herself, but he recognized her too and came toward her. She bit her lip and smiled awkwardly at him as he approached and grinned at her, having not seen her for awhile and she knew that even though this would compromise both of her identities, she had to say something to him. If she just ignored him then something would be off and he would think that something was happening and she needed to keep him off of the scent.

"Ashlyn!" Paul exclaimed and opened up his arms a little bit.

Ashlyn took the hint and hugged him, breathing in his aftershave. "Paul! What are you doing here?"

"I saw you come in and wrestled with myself over whether to come in or not…what are _you_ doing here?" Paul asked raising his eyebrows.

"Reading to orphans like a good Samaritan," Ashlyn shrugged, waving it off like it was no big deal. "They need someone too, you know?"

Paul nodded and looked around. "Yeah, they do. So how have you been?"

"Pretty great, you?" Ashlyn asked him, trying to make small talk really quick, wishing she could some up with a quick excuse, but her head hurt so badly.

"Heather?" asked the Orphanage leader.

Paul paused as Ashlyn chewed on her lip because right now she was being called by the name she had been given for her identity and Paul knew her as her real self. Now she was going to have to make up some excuse and she knew that Paul being in the FBI meant that he could easily tell if she was lying by checking her records at the station and she just needed to suck it up. She was stronger than this and really needed to channel Gale Weathers to get her out of this mess that she had somehow gotten herself into.

"I'm supposed to still be in rehab right now, so I'm using a different name," Ashlyn lied with a shrug. "I tried to kill myself a while back and I just…I needed to do this. See that there was life to be lived, you know? Some kids have it way worse than I ever had it."

Paul nodded slowly and pointed to the woman. "Well, then…you should go."

"Yeah, but we'll catch up later, just call me, okay?" Ashlyn asked, patting his shoulder and walking away…why did she feel like he didn't believe her?

**Note: What in the world could possibly happen next? There will be more soon, and a lot is about to happen. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Feedback is always appreciated!**


	9. New Negotiations

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Not only is this dedicated to my beautiful princessjames21, but this is her birthday present as well. I have been super busy, but I'm not too busy to get my girl a birthday present! I hope your day was perfect and I'm sorry these may be late, it was a looooooong day!**

**There is sex in this chapter and a twist I think you'll all enjoy…as well as a cliffhanger.**

**WARNINGS: Language, Dark Themes, Sex, Violence, Blood**

**ENJOY!**

xxxx

**Ashlyn and Topher – 2009**

"So…tell me that Paul Ballard isn't a problem," Ashlyn said as she sat in the chair after her engagement.

Topher gave her a look. "Ash, come on, don't tell me…"

"…he and I might have maybe been friends once and he saw me and I wasn't supposed to be me and this is bad, isn't it?" Ashlyn asked him, sighing when he gave her that look like she should know that it was. "My head hurts…"

Just like that, Topher no longer cared about Paul Ballard, or about whether or not he was going to be a problem for them because what mattered to him was _Ashlyn_. Ashlyn was his everything and she was back and trying to be something he couldn't let her be and when he opened up his mouth to speak she just said 'no'. She _knew_ what he was going to say before he even said it and it made him sigh rather loudly.

"Ashlyn, if you're hurting, I need to fix it," Topher told her slowly.

She shook her head. "You're not wiping me, Toph."

"What if that's the only thing that I _can_ do?" He asked her.

"Then I want a second opinion and some Advil," she responded, getting out of the chair and moving to go to his room.

He sighed loudly because even though no one saw her do it, she couldn't just act like this and he didn't want them to get caught. She was supposed to be acting like an Active and not like herself, but she was Ashlyn and she was about feelings not about logic…that was actually a big part of why she and Topher meshed so well together. It was because of her that he started having a conscience here, and it was because of her that he had found himself needing to have her.

Topher Brink had never felt like he needed _anyone_.

In fact, his life had been pretty perfect in his eyes before she waltzed into his life and made him fall in love. He hadn't thought that he needed another human being and then all he could do was breathe her in and be near her and feel her touch and sitting on his mattress on the floor as she drank some of his energy drink to swallow those painkillers had him swallowing. It was such a strange thing to be turned on by, but it just proved to him that she was _Ashlyn_ and _not_ Summer.

"God, I actually love you," Topher found himself saying quite by accident.

Ashlyn blushed and looked up at him, surprised. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Topher admitted, nodding.

"Good, then maybe you can get rid of my headache the old fashioned way…" she tried, batting her eyelashes.

Topher sucked in a breath of air involuntarily, which just made Ashlyn giggle and stand up, crossing over to him. He'd already tried to explain to her that he didn't feel right having sex with her when she was technically a doll now, but at the same time, she was kissing him, her body pressed against his and it was hard not to react to it. He was already turned on by everything about her and now her hands were on the move and he let her back them up, both of them dropping to the mattress.

"Ash…" Topher tried as she unfastened his pants and nipped at his neck. "Baby…"

Ashlyn smiled at him. "It's okay to play with me, you know…"

"Don't talk like you're a doll," Topher said suddenly, shaking his head.

"You don't feel just a tiny bit turned on that you've got your very own piece of company property that you can do anything to?" Ashlyn asked him in that sexy voice of hers she did when they were role playing.

Just like that, Topher was scrambling to his feet and Ashlyn rested on her elbows to get a look at him. He was blushing because it _was_ kind of a turn on, but he was also more than a little upset that she was acting like this when he just wanted her and to not have to think about the fact that she was a _doll_…that she was _Dollhouse property_. That was exactly why he had been trying to hate her all of this time and Ashlyn sighed and nodded, standing up and crossing to him again, pausing when he took a step back.

"I don't want to sleep with Summer," Topher told her firmly. "I don't want to sleep with a doll, I want to sleep with my girlfriend."

Ashlyn nodded and reached out to touch him, bringing his body against hers. "Then I'm just Ashlyn, okay? Just Ash…"

"Are you sure?" Topher teased a little bit, smiling gently.

"I'm pretty positive," Ashlyn responded gently, closing the distance between them.

Topher nodded a little bit as Ashlyn kissed him, letting their lips crush together before they were once again on the mattress. Ashlyn smiled at him and kissed him gently, Topher shimmying out of his clothes, Ashlyn getting out of hers as well as they let their hands stray each other's frames. When her legs wrapped around him he felt home, losing himself in the feel, letting his sounds and actions tell Ashlyn just how he felt, smiling when she whispered that she loved him.

They had never been in this place before, letting each other enjoy the moments instead of talking through it, holding each other afterwards. Ashlyn had her fingers running through his hair as he began to babble, glad that she was here because she couldn't really forgive herself for what she'd done to him. In a moment of weakness she'd taken everything from him and it just wasn't fair.

"What?" Topher asked suddenly as she sat up a little.

Ashlyn smiled at him. "I'm sorry…for everything."

Topher didn't really know what to say to that, but he didn't have to think for long because as Ashlyn moved in to kiss him again, Adelle walked in. Immediately the two broke apart, a very serious look on her face as they realized they had just been caught red handed. It made them start to stutter, but Adelle cut them off.

"Ashlyn, I'd like to see you in my office…_now_," she stressed before turning and leaving.

Nodding, Ashlyn said she would be right there, but something about the moment brought a smile to her face: Adelle _always_ walked in right after they did the horizontal mamba. In fact, she started to laugh really hard, but Topher was in a completely different mode here. He was pretty sure that they were about to get in deep trouble and that Ashlyn was going to be going up to the attic and he couldn't handle that…not now, not ever.

"This is serious!" Topher said as Ashlyn laughed.

Ashlyn nodded and kissed him gently. "Just don't get dressed, okay? I'll handle this—I always handle things fine, don't I?"

Topher refrained from bringing up becoming a doll in the first place and instead let her kiss him again and get up to get dressed, Topher lying back down on the mattress and smiling a little bit…he'd missed her so much.

xx

**Dollhouse – 2009**

Adelle was pouring her and Ashlyn some tea when Ashlyn came into the room, a smile on her face even though this could have been serious. At the same time, Adelle had her own agenda here and so she offered Ashlyn a seat with that look on her face she seemed to sport and it made Ashlyn smile awkwardly. She was a little fidgety suddenly and so Adelle spoke up first.

"I assume that Mr. Brink is in his room still?" Adelle asked her. "You don't think I'm sending you to the attic?"

Ashlyn smiled as Adelle handed her the tea. "If you were sending me to the attic, you would have done it by now. It feels more to me like a contract renegotiation."

"Is that what you think it is?" Adelle asked her.

"I'd like to think you still know more about what's happening in your own Dollhouse than the rest of them," Ashlyn responded sipping the tea.

"That I do, which is how I knew when I saw you not do anything in that chair," Adelle told her slowly. "How does it feel?"

Ashlyn smiled a little bit and took a deep breath, trying to figure out what it was that she wanted to say. There was some secrecy with her and Topher, but at the same time she also knew that Adelle needed to know these kinds of things, and so she took a deep breath and decided to just begin. She needed to make sure that things came out right, but she also didn't want to lie to Adelle because that was the surest way _to_ end up in the attic.

"It hurts my head a little bit, but it's kind of a rush," Ashlyn explained, taking a deep breath. "I don't want Topher to know that I kind of enjoyed it, but I did. Do you know how much I could do for this place? How much I could accomplish? Help _you_ accomplish? I mean he programmed me like a doll only all he had to do was give me a couple of skills and all that happened after was a headache that I barely feel anymore."

"Endorphins," Adelle said with a smile.

Ashlym blushed a little bit. "It was a little bit of that."

"Do you mean to tell me that you wish to be an operative?" Adelle asked slowly, looking Ashlyn in the eye.

"I would love that," Ashlyn told her honestly. "You see, I always wanted to work closely with Topher. We work really well together and some of my best epiphanies come from this work you guys do. I can help people and I just…I want to be near him."

"Because you can't be near to your family?" Adelle asked her.

Ashlyn hadn't wanted to talk to her about her family because she was still dealing with her father's death and she missed her mother and her sister. She just wanted to go back to the way that things were and now that she knew that Remy was alive, she wanted to be with her too and yet…she had done this to herself. She had signed that contract and she was owned by the Dollhouse and that was how it was.

"I just want to be here," Ashlyn said gently.

Adelle nodded slowly. "Then we will be in touch."

"Good," she smiled, standing up, "but I need to get back to our programmer."

"Yes, but don't forget to let him rest," Adelle said nodding. "I would like to have my dolls programmed in the morning."

"He'll be up and at 'em, but I can't promise I'll let him rest," Ashlyn responded.

Smiling at each other, Ashlyn turned to leave and bounded into Topher's room, laughing a little because he was dressed and looking over some things. She rolled her eyes and then pulled off her shirt, cutting Topher off mid question with a kiss because right now she didn't want to think about the Dollhouse or what could happen next where that was concerned. Right now, Ashlyn wanted to focus on Topher and it wasn't that hard to convince him to focus on her too.

**Note: I know it's kind of short, but I wanted to set things up and get back into the hang of this story. More as soon as I can! Feedback is always appreciated!**


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